My Lungless Life Part One

SOOOOOOOOOOO. RIGHT THEN LEFT THEN NINOS. I left you last time with the wonderfully fate tempting sentence "This week my body is fail. Next week it shall rule the world. With bacon.". To summarise how accurate that statement was AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm an idiot why do I say these things why why why why why why why spagetti sausages bin liners and cordial let's all lie on the floor and cry. I am currently direly unwell. You may remember that I mentioned I had a virus in my last post... Well. It started getting better and I skipped around like a bumble bee on lsd. Then it got worse. Much much worse. I only managed to get out of bed at 5pm today and that was only because there is literally zero food in my flat and if I didn't eat something I think my stomach would have eaten me from the inside out. And I needed more lemsips. LEMSIP. Some children taunted my hair and I nearly walked into a bin. I am just so totally phlegm filled and broken. Need glue. Need swords. Need rainbow sprinkles.

And all this is of course happening on the busiest and most stressful week I think I've ever had. To summarise:

Tomorrow: Hospital
Wednesday: Travelling from Stockport to Luton with my grandparents to get the keys to my new flat and move some of my stuff in. Run back up to Stockport.
Thursday: Travelling from Stockport to Luton again with a man and a van to move all my furniture to Luton. Run back up to Stockport AGAIN.
Friday morning: Hand keys back over to my Stockport flat (adding to that the company I rent from are trying to take me for a massive ride, it's looking like I might have to go to court with them). Take some stuff to my mum's house in Derbyshire.
Friday evening: Go to Doncaster to fly for a weekend trip to Gdansk. I'd love to cancel this but can't, it's my mum's first trip abroad in 40 years and all annoyingly paid for. Ackkkkkkk.
Sunday evening: Arrive back in Doncaster and get the last train to Luton, arriving at stupid o clock in the morning
Tuesday: Start new job.

..... Wednesday: Die of fatigue and infection and broken legs and Goldwasser overdose.

I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling half dead in every sense of the word. Physically and emotionally there's barely anything in the tank. I know I'll make it through the week but it sure as hell isn't going to be easy with my lungs submerged in green goo. OH GOD I sound so melodramatic, someone please tell me to get over it. I will. One week from now the sun with come out and shine on the garden of cancer and out will sprout the exciting leaves of a new beginning etc. A new glamorous life in Luton with more stamps and Polski skleps and paintings of Charles II.

In other exciting news my main doctor is now a professor! Super exciting. I am so getting him a card. Do they even make congrats on being a professor cards? I get the feeling that if they do then they won't stock them in Stockport. Not being a snob like but I swear the average IQ here is less than a ball bearing.

Anyway, that's enough grumbling for one post. As I said in one week this whole chaotic process will be over and skies will be beautiful once more. And I actually mean that. I cannot afford for this virus to get any worse. I need you to all to cross every finger, toe, hamster, sheepskin rug, eyebrow and broken arm you have. JUST CROSS EVERYTHING. Have a game of noughts and crosses without the noughts and do it everywhere on the train and in the cinema and at work and when you're wrestling a bear. Make a dozen hot cross buns. Cross the road over and over until you wear a crevice in the road so deep you can live in it. Cross your local gang and start some street warfare. Cross until you run out every pen in your house and causes an international ink shortage. I mean it kids. I'm relying on you :)

Nighty night from mysterious Cheshire,
Constanzistan :) xXxXxXx