My Holiday to Hospital- A Summary.

I am getting so scard of Helen and Nicky's threats and pesters that the time has come for a serious summary of all the Stem Cell Transplantty goodness. I apologise for not writing in hospital, but I was really rather ill and the hospital internet worked approximately one in seven days... I mean, I fell asleep eating yogurts and in the middle of phone calls, can you imagine my blog posts?!

The first thing to say is that all appears to have gone well. There were no major hickups, and there is a test on Monday to see just how German my blood now is. Indestructible Constanze.

Ok...

It all started when...

Right.

It has just become apparent that I have no idea of the chronology of the past 1.5 months. Hence, this shall be less a blog, and more a collection of somewhat random recollections from my somewhat hazy time in the Hallamshire. Go go go!

The worst I felt was actually the first day when they gave me a drug I reacted really badly to. I went all colours, but not in a fashionable way. This goes down in history as the most ill day of my life ever ever.

I got some epic visitors. You will never be more bored or lonely than when you are in isolation, hence my visitors will get a special place in heaven, god told me so. I found myself shooting aliens and doing experiments with syringe guns to pass the hours. Richard was the best at visiting, he came LOTS. AND BROUGHT ME 30 BAGS OF HARIBO. Jane also brought me homemade truffles, which were extremely om nom nom. Kirsty brought me PIRATE. James brought his love. Marcy brought his good looks. And Adam got me a friendship pashmina!!!!

In hospital I did some of the scariest poos you have ever seen. Unfortunately this has stopped now, so I shan't be able to show you all when I get back to Ox.

Chemotherapy has its own mini black bin bag.

Radiotherapy machines are huge and dramatic and amazing and make A LOT of noise and I've never wanted to be a medical physicist more.

The oldest goldfish lived to 43!

I self discharged myself. Oh yes, ever the rebel. After 4 weeks I got pretty "Bugger this, I want more panini" and grabbed my drugs and ran. Well, it was a little more formal than that. So instead of sleeping all day at hospital I sleep all day at home. In my glorious, comfy bed. Now there's not too much pain, just a little sickness and epic tiredness. Which I am contented with.

I haven't gone completely bald! I still have around 33% of my hair, I look like the child of Einstein and a Monk. I can also pull off a combover with ease.

The most dramatic looking part of my treatment was my mouth. My cheeks swelled up for about a week, leaving me with a sexy new hamster look. I also had a mouth filled with around 20 blisters, the worst being on the insides of my cheeks, which were 4cm long... Although not as painful as you'd think, if you were nice to them and didn't eat. Which meant I didn't eat for a long time. Which meant I got awful stomach cramps. BUT I was determined to not be on a permanent pain relief drip, so I persevered and I eventually got my face and mouth back. I have lost a fair bit of weight though, I'm far too thin. My huge super fat arse has all but gone, and a horrible size 10 thing remains. Eew.

The transplant itself was very undramatic. Just a bag of horrible coloured fluid into my Hickman line. Marc got there late, so he missed it. Slowcoach.
Here is it in action- http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=9587703&id=627315359

I ALMOST HAVE NORMAL HAEMOGLOBIN LEVELS.

The nurses and doctors began referring to me as "The Woman Of Steel". Apparently I have a superduperhigh pain threshold and never complained. Good or bad for some kind of kinky career? Of this I am unsure.

I got to spend 3 nights in the Weston Park Hospital while I had radio. There was a special teenage ward, but I was in isolation so I could only spy on them from afar. They also had a LOT of soup and yogurt, which made my throat very uber happy.

I had one day out from hospital. The sexiest pair since Dita Von Teese in Wonderbra, (Adam Woodall and Richard Sillett) took me on the big Sheffield wheel. AND they fed me kangaroo and Polish stew.

And that, my friends, is what a Stem Cell Transplant entails...

There is a special shoutout to my new Leukaemia Homies, Jamie and Daniel!

Discuss at will!

I need to go and phone a woman about my sexy trip to see Depeche Mode now...

xXXxXXx