Vulpix

Buenas tardes ninos. Let's start with the HAPPY NEWS...

"The cervical polyp that was removed has been reported as a benign endo cervical polyp"

Yes, you read correctly, the results are back my pesky cervical polyp tumour thingy is completely normal and boring and not cancery and just generally unexciting to the max. WOOHOO. Relaxo. It's just another strange medical fluke my body decided to have for megalolz. It probably is vaguely related to my treatment, there are lots of theoretical causes of polyps and a lot of them are sort of related to my various medical problemos but es un mystery and we'll never really know. All we know is that is isn't going to kill me, and what doesn't kill me gives me more time to make obscene breakfast sandwiches. Yum.

I also don't have chlamydia, which I already knew but now have in writing. I might use it as my new pulling technique, WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME HERE I HAVE OFFICIAL PROOF THAT MY VAGINA IS A LOVELY PLACE TO BE... That will in no way fail. Or get me arrested :)

Oh, my mental body. I'm slowly approaching my five year anniversary, I'm sure I'm supposed to be done with all this crazy ass shit now. I've been having a really bad time with my face this week, it's been the size of a planet pretty much every day. Just swelling, swelling and more swelling. It's weird because I finally thought this annoying mysterious side effect was finally starting to subside but nooooo it decided to have a really bad fit on one of the most important days of my life. Friday was my first proper outing with my new company, we went to this big exhibition fair thing and I met lots of important people and my face was being awful and luckily I applied ALL OF THE MAKE UP but it's still not all that nice to have one eyebrow twice the size of the other when you're trying to be all totally clever and impressive and shit. Ergh.

Plus I've now got the worst virus I've had in a long time. I had a somewhat unhygenic friend visit and he's infected me with some form of cold-flu-rabies-lurgy. My lung capacity is rub-bashz at the best of times but now they're full of industrial waste too and just looking at my legs make me tired. I'm just wandering around my flat like a lost ostrich with a lemsip drip. As you know I usually try and avoid lemsippy drugs and stuff but I'm desperately trying to use up all the soap/food/random medications lying around my flat so I don't have to chuck them because Constanze hates waste. I really need to develop a bee sting allergy. NO I DON'T. WHY DO I EVEN HAVE BEE STING ALLERGY MEDICATION IN MY FLAT I'M NOT EVEN ALLERGIC TO BEES... So yeah, if you're allergic to bees get your ass down to Stockport and we can get the party started.

I really need to go and do some packing. I've acquired so much crap over the past year, it's really quite disturbing. Truth is though, as is the story of my life, all I really want to do is go to bed and cough myself to sleep. That won't get me to Luton though. And Luton is now apparently where it's at!

Constanzestanzestanzestan :) xXxXx

P.s Someone remind me to pick my tablets up tomorrow. Please. I only have three 25mg thyroxines left!

P.p.s I also appear to have pulled my left brachioradialis. It's very sore, anyway. How do you even pull such a specific muscle? Literally no other part of my arm is unhappy other than my brachioradialis. Maybe I did some sleep-lifting. Some sleep-wrestling. Some sleep-unicorn-riding.

P.p.p.s "Now I’m stuck with this, and that’ll never change. Always a part of me, until the very last day". Oh cancer. I do wish you were a little less clingy.

P.p.p.p.s This week my body is fail. Next week my body shall rule the world. With bacon.