Turning a Leaf into a Hedgehog

I AM HIGH AS A KITE.

Chemicals. Chemicalzzz children. Today I have bleached my hair, dyed it green and orange like a carrot, covered my leg in nail varnish remover and painted my nails in a beautiful fashion. Then I paraded around my flat in my hideous new skirt and pretended I was Pete Burns, one of my all time heroes along with Jessica Fletcher, Grace Hopper and that man outside the Manchester Burger King who sneaks up on people and scares them. Life is a beautiful thing.

I'm just so flammable right now. So very very flammable. Being flammable and being a bit of a pyromaniac is never a good combination; I hope I survive the evening. If you see any news reports about some girl in Stockport who's now a pile of charcoal then just tell everyone it was a protest about how much bloody train fares cost and how suspicious puddles look down South. Why am I listening to the entire Wurzels back catalogue? The Wurzels really don't help you feel sane. Not to mention the lack of grammar casually helping my brain to rot even further into a philatelic ball of destruction. Ergh.

Speaking of stamps central this has also been the week where I've sorted my life out a bit. I FINALLY CHOSE A JOB. I don't want to talk about it too much as it's been the cause of much anguish and sadness over the past few weeks, all this head vs heart vs tacos malarkey but it was between three and one had damn cool people but not enough stamps and one had even more amazing people and was lots of fun but I really needed to get some money rolling in so I ended up choosing this really posh place in London because they were like here have all the money and a 6 month contract so I kind of had to but also they have seriously sexy and delicious stamps and cool people and I am excited and confused all at the same time. I LOVE STAMPS I WANT TO WORK EVERYWHERE. Especially in Murmansk. This also means I will soon be moving to WONDERFUL LUTON. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU CHOOSE LUTON I hear you ask, the only thing anyone knows about Luton is that it's rough and shit which is brilliant for me because I love rough and shit places, I can't be feeling at home anywhere with any class. Plus it's the only place I can afford my own flat and as you know as much as I love people I also love locking them out at the end of a long day. 2004's worst place to live, I AM SO EXCITED. I am sad to be leaving the beautiful North but I must follow the path of stamps and that yellow brick road has lead me to the Strand.

I've also made some more amazing strangerfriends this week, I now know the man who designed the Belize Commonwealth Games Team kit... I GOTS THE CONNECTIONS KIDZ. I really want to climb a tree. I HAVEN'T CLIMBED ANYTHING ALL WEEK. I'm like a cat now, being a cancer disabled means I get halfway and get stuck and have to phone the disability living allowance fire brigade to save me. What the hell am I on about? Jesusfuck I should open a window and let all these acetone fumes out before I actually get arrested for drug abuse.

I should be off. My kettle is calling me.

Stanzistan :)