Hairystanze

This is a post about hair. About how I have SO MUCH HAIR NOW. And by hair I mean hair on my head, the rest of me remains as smooth as a baby's derriere, I don't want you to all think I've turned into a sexy gorilla overnight. Four years ago today I was bald, completely bald. OH LET'S NOT FORGET HOW WEIRDLY MY HAIR FELL OUT WHEN I WAS HAVING CHEMO. First, the top of my head. Then I looked like a monk for a while. Then all of it finally went. Then it started growing back like a proper motherfucking afro. Then it went straight and mousey, like it's always been. And now it's finally back to being long and stupid and green and mental like in the good old days. I am proper motherfucking happy <3

I'm not so good at taking selfies without pulling grotesque gurning faces (who wants to look pretty when you can look like a monster from the dead, hmmmmmm) but I tried really hard to look sensible because after all this is a very serious blog and whales and envelopes. My hand is helpfully demonstrating how princess-ily long my hair is. And YES I AM WEARING A MONSTER MUNCH T SHIRT DEAL WITH IT BITCHES. I've never actually worn my hair completely down outside of my flat, only partially in various ridiculous styles and I'm really not sure why. I guess it feels a bit racy. And I kind of associate it with pre-cancer Constanze, that strange time back when I had no perspective and a lot of gin. Oh well. But anyway, here I am:



But, it's still not normal. It has grown back a hell of a lot thinner and I'm sure I'm going a tiny bit bald on top. Everyone says OH NO YOU AREN'T but only I truly know the top of my head and it sure as hell isn't normal (like the contents, oh hahaha, you're so inkbarelling hilarious Stanley). This is all down to my smelly chemo tablets although there is the age old thought process of for fucks sake you're not dead quit moaning because you no longer look like Cousin It. I have hair and I have life, therefore I am winning.

There aren't any photos of me bald to do any sexy comparisons. You know how the internet works, all these before and after pictures... All you get is after. Just imagine me before. Imagine a black haired, black eyed little know it all and you're pretty close. As we all know all this let's-pretend-I-was-never-bald malarkey is a part of my grand "IF I DON'T LOOK ILL EVERYONE WILL PRESUME I'M FINE" scheme which has worked oh so well, it's not like I write a blog that constantly reminds everyone I have cancer. Ergh. Maybe I should have taken just one. It's not like any secrets would have been broken, lolz.

I'm off to do some crafts. I'm not going to lie, I'm currently having one of the worst weeks of my life and crafts make everything in the universe better. Men have gone crazy, my family have gone crazy, my friends have gone crazy, I've been offered too many jobs, I've got no organs left and I've eaten all the French Fancies. I need to sort this shit out. I AINT GOT BETTER FROM MOTHERFUCKING CANCER TO HAVE PEEPZ WALK ALL OVER MEEEEEEE. I'm not even sad, I'm just approaching it all like the logical motherfucker I am, the problem is that everything has kind of happened at once and why am I doing crafts when I should be doing life that's because crafts are life eep weep sneep. Remember kids, if it seems like a bad idea then it's a BAD IDEA. Also if it looks flammable then it probably is flammable. Jesus spoon I give good advice.

I'm off before I sound anymore clinically insane.

Constanze :) xXxXx

P.s If it aint broke BREAK IT!

P.p.s I can't believe I was bald. Like proper, ball o matic bald. Funny, life. HUH?