It's Raining Snow

Well, I am a big ball of fail. Yesterday evening I went to collect some chemo tablets from hospital (ran out, whoops) and if it could go wrong then it darn well did. It was like a Mr Bean film set on the borders of Yorkshire with pork pies and frozen air. It begun with me leaving work at 5pm and wandering to get on a train or twenty. The first train was beautifully on time and deposited me at Stockport with bags of time to get to my next train to the glorious SHEFFIELD... Which OF COURSE pulled out the station and promptly went about 3mph all the way to Shef, arriving a full 30 minutes late. PANIC. I HAVE TO BE THERE BEFORE EIGHT OR EVERYONE WILL HAVE GONE HOME AND DRUGS THERE SHALT BE NONE. Panic phoned, I did. Hide them on the P floor, they did. Heart attack, I did not have. Smile was face on.

So I got off the train and battled through the elements of the Northern winter and boarded a lovely 120 bus before trying to break into hospital using a door that was definitely locked no matter how many times I snook up on it. After admiring the new display cabinet of vintage colonic irrigation equipment I wandered up to day ward. They were long gone. So I broke into the P ward and saw some of my old nurses and by jove it was wonderful. And as an added bonus they had my tablets so I'm totally not going to die, sorry folks, I'm always disappointing with my resistance to death. Sadly Andy wasn't there though. The legend that lives. The legendy legenda hola pretenda. It's weird when people move around.

I also went to pop in to say hi to one of my friends who's in with that pesky fiend septicaemia. It's always very bizarre visiting someone else because suddenly the tables have turned... Of course, to me, cancer is everyday life and a generally unexciting thing so when other people talk about it being sad and stuff I get confused but then when you look at someone else who's ill I realise how everyone feels about me. Worry. I hate being worried about and I feel bad that people have to worry about me. Maybe I should start bribing people to not be upset. I just want everyone to be happy about everything. My dodgy blood included.

But anyway because of all the evening's delays I missed the early train back home and had to wait nearly two hours for the next one... But instead of doing a mope there were parties in the first snow of the winter and general consumption of udon and mahi mahi curry. And tea stained eggs. There's nothing I love more than a good tea stained egg after an epic hospital trek. I eventually got home at some ridiculous hour, but not even then could bed happen. I had chronic backache and had to use the medium of water to calm it the fuck down. I think I went to bed the day after I woke up. NO ES BUENO.

Also also also squared banana I've just realised that I've written this whole account as an I when really I was with someone. Mysteriously and confusingly I did not go to hospital alone. I was with a boy. The boy that is referred to as my boyfriend, a new find who I only met recently and has missed the whole cancer thing, hence I took much joy in pointing out all the hospital beds where I nearly died, nearly didn't die, had my transplant, had things in my spine etc etc. This is another bizarre thing as all my friends are pretty much completely desensitised to the whole leukaemia thing because they've been there for the whole rollercoaster party and he only knows me as this slightly doddery recoveree (I think that word is made up). Got to train him in the ways of the cancer. Go so slow you're going backwards. Make a circle. A squared circle. Repeat.

So after all that panky spread I was very tired and very grizzly at work today. I think I told the photocopier that I was very displeased with it. It kept photocopying things at weird degrees. I JUST WANT NORMAL DEGREES IS THAT TOO MUCH TO SPANNERING ASK. I slept solidly throughout my whole lunch break, just out like a light. Like the light in my heart when cream and cheesy Nik Naks went. Why lord, why? What's the point of living without precious cream n cheesy? What's the point in sleeping if you're not a bag of crisps? What's the point in crisps if you're not carrying the black spot? Nada gnomes.

Aside from all that malarkey my life is going well. Much well. Tomorrow I am jet setting off to Lithuania for a couple of days to hide from everything and sample beers galore.

Sleepy time now :) This time tomorrow I will be on a plane! A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE! I need to stop spending every penny of my savings on hassling Eastern Europe.

Constanze the Great :) xXxXx

P.s Just reread this and jesus christ I shouldn't write when I'm this tired. OSTRICH DUST.

P.p.s I fucking love stamps.