IT'S MY BLOODY CANCERVERSARY!

What a remarkable 24 hours these have been. Much more remarkable than the 24 hours that passed exactly four years ago; all I can remember of them is snack deprivation and a variety of ducks. My cancerversary has been a strange mix of bordom, joy, madness and sadness all rolled into one, not sure where to start. More ups and downs than my blood sugar levels. Do take a seat for it's sure to be at least a little bit interesting. Or at least somewhat baffling :)

It all begun yesterday evening which was a bit of a personal life disaster, some family related stuff as well as other baloney which was a little depressing but then I got the most hilarious snapchat in the universe and everything was good again. Easily distracted, me. I'd be in a tornado and a Le Roule on a stick would take my mind off it in a flash. I feel like a tropical sandy island in a sea of sharks. I went to bed wearing exactly one sock and had a lot of dreams about having a job where I had to learn credit card numbers so I could open safes for Scandanavian criminals (nope, I'm not following either and it's my own bloody dream). The bigger idiots everyone else is the more my own self confidence grows. Silver lings and all that :)

Then I woke up this morning and treated myself to some motherfucking porridge because that's the kind of rock and roll way I like to celebrate my motherfucking cancerversary. My day at work was somewhat uninspiring, I mean, I enjoyed the hell out of some French colonies but it was a little quiet for me (everyone's on holiday or off sick), I enjoy some good old fashioned chaos. And you can't wear party hats to work, that's apparently "unacceptable behaviour", waaa. When I own an office it'll be unacceptable to not wear party hats, let's see how the world likes that. I was completely exhausted today though, completely gone. And we know I get a bit emotional when I'm tired, I jumped in some both philosophical and physical puddles for a bit after work. I love the rain. But I am so very exhausted, it's been very prevalent these past couple of weeks and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I also spoke on the phone to some of the people at the Sheffield Hospitals Charity, I might be doing some more work with them sometime soon which is uber exciting. But shortly after that phonecall I had a horrible realisation that I had done something terrible. Something so awful that I wanted to cry... I'd forgotten about my dentist's appointment. I was completely and utterly mortified. I still am, I feel awful, at least ten times worse than when I found out I had cancer. This is how fatigue doolally I'm going; in four years of cancer I've NEVER missed an appointment, and yet now I'm supposedly better I'm being driven to the realms of insanity with tiredness. I think I might have a nervous breakdown on the phone with them tomorrow, I can't live with this terrible sin I've committed.

And to top it all off my new neighbour just knocked on my door and asked to borrow a bottle opener. I of course obliged, then as soon as he left I realised that I'd undone my bra and it was hanging out of my top. I do worry about myself.

Luckily none of this really matters though because I'm alive. I can feel my pulse and I can feel my legs and I've lived for four long and wonderful years. The troubles of life flow over me like a mountain stream but I just enjoy the cool refreshment... Fuck me my analogies are awful. This is why I'm a cancer patient and not a philosopher!

I think I need to go to bed. I've done too much feeling in the past 24 hours (not in the molesting way before you say anything) and these two beers have started to go to my head. Au revoir!

Constanleyknife :) xXxXx

P.s A woman in ASDA told me I looked stunning. That was amazingly lovely :)

P.p.s Just got some not entirely brilliant news about one of my cancery friends. I don't even believe in god but I'm sending him all the hassle I can :)

P.p.p.s COMPLETELY NOT DEAD. I feel like I'm really good at this not dying malarkey. Just a 50% chance of my transplant working, that's all I had. And the world flipped a coin and you didn't get rid of me. Ahahahaha, suckers :D