Port O Legless

Good afternoon ladies and gents! I have had the most wonderful day, I wasn't at work so treated myself to a lovely lonesome voyage to Liverpool to see another Francis Bacon painting for my mental "How many Francis Bacon paintings can I see in the flesh and be overexcited by" collection. I saw Study for Portrait on Folding Bed which was so impressive in real life, I spent ages just staring at it (much to the amusement to a group of about 20 French schoolkids). And a sweet old lady came up to me to tell me all about how lovely she thought I looked (I get this a lot but she was so incredibly nice and I like jabbering to people) and I got chatted up by an Egyptian guy who was very suave but a little too poser-y for me so I just let him walk me to the train station before escaping onto a train. I also ate a lot of halloumi. I like halloumi. But best of all I got to see some water. The Mersey is lovely, I like staring at water. I was considering swimming home to Stockport but decided against it because I can't actually swim. I'm sure I'd have been fine though :)

Anyway, I now feel like I can talk a lot more honestly about what's been going on in my work life. For the past three months I've been on a trial period with no idea if they were going to employ me at the end of it (seriously, absolutely none. Zilch feedback for the whole three months other than that telling off for sleeping under my desk, whoops :D) but last week they finally realised how amazing I am and offered me a proper contract (and a small pay rise but because I now earn too much for a couple of my cancer related benefits it's actually a pay cut, how silly is that?) so I now have a proper official hardcore job. I am a philatelist extraordinaire. I still love the work but it is exhausting, I seem to have lost a lot of my life. And I mean a lot, I struggle to keep up with friends, let alone hobbies and things like that. It's also been difficult because I've obviously been applying for some other jobs in case they didn't want me when my 3 months was up and I've been offered far better paid jobs in far more convenient locations. But then I remember that all those jobs don't have stamps. And that whatever I do it'll exhaust the fuck out of me, no matter how fast I waddle around places in the North West cancer still catches up with me :D

I also think I might have to get some glasses. I never need them in everyday life but my job is starting to put a real strain on my poor little eyes. Jeez, is there any part of my body that actually works? I'm like a plate someone dropped on the floor then glued back together :D

So yes, it is good times here. It always is in Constanzeland. In Constanzeland it's always snowing a sea of pink French Fancies while you stare out over the view of a lovely industrial wasteland. I saw some beautiful cooling towers today actually. I can't believe how lucky I am to live in this wonderful mill, I seem to have everything I've ever wanted in the universe. Except Jimmy Carr and a couple more tattoos. But they will come soon :)

Constanze :)

P.s I woke up with some especially bad facial swelling today. My left eye looked truly awful and it had also gone a funny colour. And my forehead. My forehead never normally joins in with the balloon party look so this was strange.

P.p.s I have no idea how I managed to write this being so tired. Why the fuck do I keep walking? I CAN'T WALK, ACCEPT IT. Neverrr!