GP Joy

Well well well, I have just got back from meeting my new GP and what a happy girl I am. It's actually quite a big surgery with something like seven doctors but wherever I can I'll be going to the guy I went to today; he's a very cool Dr Snowdon like man, polite and reserved and not at all annoying or fussy. The place was completely empty for the whole time I was there, it was a little like the zombie apocalypse had hit but we all know how much I love zombies so that was actually a bonus point. And I got in so fast! I don't know if it's just me who likes to sit for a couple of minutes and gather/herd up my thoughts so I don't go in all discombobulated because some idiot chose a surgery at the TOP OF A HILL and can no longer breathe but he called me in over the tannoy (yeah, my GP may be in one of the roughest areas of Stockport but WE HAVE A TANNOY SO FUCK YOU) within seconds of me leaving the reception desk and I barely had time to take my hideous faux fur coat off. Now that's a first world problem if I ever I heard one!

BUT there is now a controversy in my life. The doctor I met today seems to think I really shouldn't be on the extra calcium tablets I take as I already eat all the dairy produce within a 100m radius of me and they might actually be harming me. It's kind of important to get the balance right because I am at a massive risk of osteoporosis which is very unsexy indeed. But who do I trust? What do I do? He says to discuss it with my cancer doctors at the Hallamshire and hopefully they will solve all of my Ca related issues. I do eat quite a lot of dairy products. If I was a solar system then I'd be the sun and Mercury would be cheese and Venus would be milk and yogurt would be Earth and you get the idea. But even if they take me off calcium I'll still be taking the same amount of tablets because my calcium is mixed in with my vitamin D and I still need that. With every cloud there is a medication filled lining!

He also thinks I need various random and obscure inoculations for various random obscure viruses, especially some ones he feels are very often overlooked. Again, it's something to discuss with my hardcore cancer doctors who know a lot more about my very confused and delusional cancery body and what may or may not kill me. And he kept rambling on about how terrible my spleen is. My spleen is very upset. He tries his hardest!

I went to London this weekend and ate a lot and was a very ineffective personal shopper ("You want a coat? Let's choose shorts!") and became 100% sugar and then paid far too much for a pint after discovering that nowhere in Chiswick sells Newcastle Brown, WHAT A SINFUL PLACE. Fucked the fuck out my my legs though, I had one of those days where I had a really long bath against my will because my legs decided we weren't getting out for love nor money. I had a lot of fun though, totally worth it maaaaaaan. Fun is always good :)

I should really be off now. I have made a seriously pimped toasted sandwich (10000kg of Vasterbotten cheese and Indian spices on delicious Polish sunflower seed bread) and I'm slarring grease absolutely everywhere and creating a health hazard. Another beautiful image!

Constanze :)

P.s The picture is of my new GP surgery. It has special fencing to keep thieves out, WELCOME TO THE NORTH :)

P.p.s I got over last week's reaction. My face swelled up again the night after but after that I felt much better :) After after after Constanze and her face lived happily ever after!

P.p.p.s I never talk about my family because they're all bananas.

P.p.p.p.s I accidentally bought some sparkling water earlier. I felt far worse than when I got cancer. If there's one thing I hate more than cancer than it's bloody damned jesusing sparkling water.

P.p.p.p.p.s It's coming up to four years since I was diagnosed. Then it'll be five. 44% of patients live that long. I HAD BETTER BE ONE OF THEM. DYING WOULD BE VERY INCONVENIENT. Plus then there will be no sexy blog and you might all have to go outside!