Garlic Grumples

Where do I keep vanishing off to? Where do the days keep flying off to? Off to off to off to. I'm eating garlic bread and I won't stop until I've eaten all the garlic bread in Stockport and the universe stops being so full of aches and pains. I'm not in the most jolly mood this evening, just a bit sad and grumpy, not the worst I've ever been (no one's put an MRSA swab up my nose) but I'm sure by the time I've finished eating everything in my flat I'll feel much better. I really do completely suck at being sad and dramatic, I think I'm feeling sad and then I realise I'm just feeling hungry. Waaaa.

But yeah, I'm exhausted. Today was the tiredest I've been for maybe a year, I'm just completely flat. I spent most of the day having genuinely no idea where I was, there's a very big difference between being tired and being completely and utterly exhausted and destroyed. And since I started working I became very much the latter, Then I got in trouble for sleeping under my desk at work. The problem is that I'm not very adept at realising what other people think is weird. And apparently sleeping under your desk is. I very rarely sleep at work but when I do I nod off in the kitchen but then everyone comes in and slams cupboards so it's kind of pointless so sleeping under my desk seemed logical. But it is not. Not everyone likes crazy. The world doesn't like crazy. The world likes suits and sandwiches. Ah, work. I do love the stamps but it is very challenging and frustrating when I know I can so so much fucking better; it's just my body holding my brain back. Silly fatigue.

Everyone always said that the most challenging part of cancer is re-adjusting to the real world. Or at least tip toeing on the edges because try as I might, following the sheep route isn't really an option. Sheep people. I love stamps. I hate my knees. What am I even talking about? People in the real world don't understand cancer. Especially the people at Stockport council who seem to think that just because my blood is funny I won't notice that they've added 50 quid to my council tax for no apparent reason. God, my back hurts. Let's hope it's my spine making some sexy stem cells.

I really must post some pictures of my beautiful flat. I want to run some origami courses but I'm so tired. There's no room for hobbies anymore, it's just work and sleep. I come home from work, eat, then sleep. Then spend all weekend recovering. It's a massive change. Thus far, worth it, I love doing things but geez, I'd just love to have some fun and not spend the next week paying for it. GOD I'M SO WHINGEY THIS EVENING. Get over it Constanzeeeeeee. I will do, tomorow. Or when they take me off the silly fatigue inducing chemo drug, I don't know :) :) :)

On a slightly more exciting and happy note I invited all the neighbours on my floor over to say hello and although only two came it was a very fun evening. I now know someone who owns an egg pasturising factory in Iran! You never know when these things might come in useful. Jimmyteens also put up a new video that I'm in, IT'S ALL ABOUT VOMIT HOW AMAZING EVERYONE LOVES VOMIT.

http://jimmyteens.tv/2013/02/06/say-no-to-nausea/

This blog really is very cathartic. I feel much better already; it's like that phrase that Einstein may or may not have said. "If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree then it will always think it's stupid". Something like that.

Constanze :) xXxXx

P.s It seems the whole world has dollar signs for pupils.

P.p.s I just reread this and my lord I do get grumpy when I'm sleepy and hungry and confused. I have another job offer of being a party planner. Seriously? Yes. But seriously, can you think of anyone less appropriate to be a party planner than me? EVERYONE MUST COVER 90% OF THEIR BODIES NO ONE CAN DANCE SEXILY JUST STUPIDLY THERE MUST BE MORE SNACKS THAN DRINKS NO ONE CAN HAVE ANY FUN.