C for Constanze

Look what I saw today! A big poster all about cancer and WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT HAS A C FOR CONSTANZE ON IT. It was so nice to see the cancer world fully appreciate the amazing work I've done ruining leukaemia for everyone and who am I kidding... This is an advert for Cancer Research, I am not yet worthy of a train station poster :( One day maybe. One day you will be waiting for the 11:18 to Tipperary and my haemogolbin-ful face will be staring at you, watching your every move, calculating your weak points and plotting your demise. Mwa ha ha sneeze etc.

There's no news in the Constanzecanciverse. Aside from the fact that I've eaten too many fucking sweets and I feel really really really fucking ill. I had a giant bag of jelly spiders then a fuckload of cheese then a giant sour cherry lolly and rainbow crystals and now I feel like death. I just brushed my teeth and my spit was purple. Which I'm fairly sure is a good sign? Just like when those plague ridden people vomited blood?

Bedsleepbedsleeptime now. Or rather, roll around in pain o clock because I've had a sore back/kidney area all day which was just settling down nicely with some lovely painkillers but OH IT TURNS OUT I'M A BIG FAT GREEDY BITCH AND I ATE EVERYTHING AND NOW IT FEELS LIKE IT'S GOING TO COME BACK UP AGAIN AND MAKE MY ROOM A SUGARY BILEY SEA OF RAINDOW. It was so worth it though. As we say with cancer, no pain, no gain!

Constanze :) xXxXx

P.s I actually am losing it a bit, as some of you already know I went on a day trip just to have some IKEA meatballs. Just the meatballs, none of that furniture malarkey. I just really wanted some fucking IKEA meatballs. I set off at half past ten in the morning and got back at seven in the evening, that's six buses, over five hours spent on them, two hours spent waiting for them and some extreme flooding getting in the way. And somewhere inbetween all that I spent one glorious hour gorging on over twenty IKEA meatballs. V for Victorystanze!

P.p.s I actually lied, stuff did happen, another part of my face swelled up today. But it wasn't as bad as normal so I didn't go to hospital, I went and bought a hideous dress that looks like something a fat dinner lady would wear. It's so beautiful and I look at least 50 in it <3

P.p.p.s I have also discovered that when I go to Nottingham I become 1000% more attractive. Can anyone explain this strange effect? I normally struggle to attract anyone sober/without a bus pass/who can spell their own name yet when I go to Nottingham I suddenly become this sultry and seductive Venus like figure that men seem to adore. Or are Nottingham men just more desperate? I don't know these things and need them explaing so I can harness my county based attractiveness and lure a young Gary Numan into Sherwood forest.