DRILL

WARNING WARNING WARNING!!! Beware of scrolling down for there is a very GRUESOME, DISTURBING and EXTREMELY AMAZING photo at the start of my post. I think it's lovely but then again we all know how very very very disturbed I am... Warbleflorble.


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Are you sure you want to see it?...


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Think carefully, once seen it CANNOT BE UNSEEN, MWA HA HA ETC!


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....Well then, if you're still here then you must be very dedicated to the sexy cancer cause, you creep. As a reward you get to see a massive needle hanging out of my back then here you go. Enjoy you lucky folks!

But why and how did this occur? Let me tell you the story of today at hospital, for it was a beautiful and fun filled affair :)

As anyone reading this in England will know we are having quite some weather here. A whole month's rain fell today, most of it on my garden path which is now more of a disgusting muddy concrety water feature, I almost had to build myself a boat to leave the bloody house. Somehow my bus made it to Sheffield, although not without becoming a really dodgy log flume in the process. I picked myself up a Man vs Food themed panini with no less than five meats (FIVE MEATS) and cheese (CHEESE) to scoff and then wandered up to the hospital for some superfuntimes. Upon my arrival I managed to aquire a man on crutches who kept falling over because of the water all over EVERYWHERE, I directed him to P3 but not before a girl mistook me for a doctor again and then nearly passing out when she found out I was an old cancery type and asking me if this random stranger was my dad. People are weird.

It was then up to day ward where I bumped into one of my cancer friends who I hadn't seen for over a year and he looked really well so that was proper exciting. He's about 70 though and we were sat in the teenage room and all the nurses were like you two are too damn old to be in here sock off but we fluttered our eyelashes and managed to stay, such rebels we are. My bone marrow extraction was supposed to be at half two but nothing had happened by half three and I'd eaten a lot of sweets and played too much of this game where you fly through the sky with a cape and this information is irrelevant, sorry. A doctor that I hadn't seen for a while came in and was suspiciously nice to me (they're always extra nice when they're about to break some news/ask you something) and we had a general chat about when she last saw me (on my 21st birthday when I came in with balloons, apparently not many people come to hospital with balloons, it's always me). Then she mentioned that there was a student learning to do bone marrows today, would I be so kind as to let her have a go on my hip? I of course agreed, they always ask me because they know I'm cool and don't mind being prodded by novices :D

This was actually the first full bone marrow extraction the girl had done but she was proper amazing! I was a little daunted when she first told me but it soon became apparent that she had been listening in lectures and was a proper pro, she did spend ages feeling my hip for a good spot though, all the best ones have been taken by previous extractors, failll. And she took the above photo, she understood that I was a raving mental, there aren't that many doctors that would stop right in the middle of a serious medical procedure just to take a photo but she did and I was proper super excited. The experienced doctor overseeing it all thought it was hilarious, in 30 years she's never seen anyone quite as morbidly obsessed and fascinated with my illness as me, why do people not understand that I need exciting pictures for my internal organs and painful extractions photo album. I do worry about myself :)

I had some blood taken (after about 5000 attempts, I was a bit dehydrated because I kind of forgot to drink anything with all the excitement so the blood just wouldn't come out) and then escaped and snook off for a massive cup if tea. Except the coffee shop was really busy and I got the last table and a man had to sit on my table because there were no free tables and then a crazy tramp came and sat with us and stared at us with rolling eyes and a food filled beard and the table was really wobbly so every time one of us picked up a drink everyone elses' drinks splashed everywhere and it was all very awkward. My journey home was very dramatic, pretty much every road to my house was completely flooded as I live in a VOID OF CIVILISATION and it took hours and hours to get home and I ate even more sweets and was bouncing off the walls and I tried to jump in a flood but a man in a suit told me it was a bad idea so I didn't. Then a cat mauled me with love and licked exactly where the needle had been, it was if he knew. Cats are clever like that, don'tcha know.

I also just remembered how funny it was when the young doctor asked if I'd come with someone and then told me to not go home on the bus and not to have a bath for 24 hours.... I'm such a bad patient, I went home alone on the bus and jumped straight in the bath as soon as I walked through the door, PLEASE DON'T TELL ON ME I LIKE BATHS. And now my dressing is hanging off, I should probably find some medical tape when I finish this, whoops.

So now it's just sit and wait for a week or two. What will they find in these confused bones? Tis a mystery, but let's all hope it's not ketchup.

Now is the time for origami and Skindred (AND MEDICAL TAPE MUST NOT FORGET). Warning warning warninga, warning warning warninga. Ravin' with me tea and me tape! Nighty night guys and dolls...

Constanzistanzistan :) xXxXxXx

P.s You may also be wondering what happened to the cancer tattoo. Well, I went to beautiful Hull, saw some very exciting late Warhol paintings, wandered over to the tattoo place, met my amigo and waited and chatted to some other cancery types who were also getting the ribbon tattoo. However I soon discovered that they couldn't tattoo the ribbon on my thumb (my final choice, woohoo) for about a million reasons, they didn't have a small enough stencil, they had all the wrong needles out, they don't tattoo hands, lots of terrible and very upsetting things. I thought I'd better not panic and get it anywhere because I'm not a maniac so I went home sadly untattooed. Soon though, soon. Soon, my precious.

P.p.s I fucking love the rain, today was so amazing <3 p="p">
P.p.p.s The photo attached to this is really unflattering, it make me look like I have fuckloads of back fat. I don't, it's just the awful angle I have to be at for them to get a good shot at my hip. If you're wondering about the needle, the blue bit is the handle they use to drill into my bone, it even matches my skirt, woohoo! I'm also a bit concerned that the nice new doctor now thinks that's what a typical bone marrow is like, I should have probably clarified that most people cry and run away. She'll soon find out anyway!