Accidental Milking

Hello peoples :)

What a week boys and girls, what a week... I'm not even entirely sure I'm 100% conscious but more of that later. I shall begin by announcing that I have a new virus for the collection, my swabs came back and it turns out that my most recent (and somewhat bloody persistent) virus is the really rather boring Coronavirus, so named because it has a lovely halo surrounding it like an angel of the phlegm. This one is also really common in cattle and other farm animals which seems rather apt as we all know what a country bumpkin I am... First it's viruses you catch off children, now it's one cattle seem to love, I really am building up quite an unsavory reputation for myself, aren't I? I can assure you there was no seediness in the catching of these viruses. Well, there was actually probably a lot of seediness, just not involving children or cows, I blame libraries and tape.

But all that illnessy excitement has been forced to take a bit of a back seat as I've simply been too busy to be poorly. So what if my lungs are 100% mucus, I have more important things to be doing than coughing up crap. I've basically just been combining feeling like a zombie with feeling like an overexcited child which is a very weird mix and has made some of the most brilliant and also most confused moments of my life thus far. I went down to London for the weekend to attend a metting of people who like postcards from all over the world and it was brilliant not only because it's brilliant but also because I'm so much better than I was when I went last year. My legs were so well behaved (by my standards anyway, which may be shit to you but it's amazing to me so live with it) and lasted just long enough until I got off the bus at the end and they finally gave up. I made very good friends with a wall. I FUCKING LOVE WALLS.

Then I came home but only for a night before I zoomed up even further North to Manchester to go and see one of my favorite bands, Royal Republic. You may remember that I went to see them last October when they played in Shef but I was sat at the back on a stool this guy found because I'd been in hospital all day and thought I wouldn't be able to go so I didn't phone but I could so there was lots of stool based searching and all that jazz so I only really saw 50% of the concert and bla bla bla. I was a bit nervous about it because as we all know music venues (and the general world) can be quite unhelpful when it comes to quite simple requests (eg a chair) but when I got there they were actually really ace. I got to sit on the balcony which was extra cool because you could see all the people below picking their noses when they thought no one else was looking MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

I chatted to one of the security guards for a bit while I drunk my orange juice (vitamin c is so much better than ethanol) and I can't remember telling him I had cancer but I must have done because later on in the evening everything got amazing. RR were the support band and they played and were amazing and then the main band appeared and they were good but I was tired so I was half asleep and not sure what was going on as usual and someone tapped me on the shoulder and said 'nice tshirt' (I was wearing the tour tshirt from last time) and I turned round and was like they look familiar and then I was like jesuschristinghellfuckmethat'sRoyalRepublic. Well, 3/4 of them anyway. As we all know my default reaction to any situation of excitement/nervousness is to PANIC AND RUN AWAY but that wasn't possible due to especially bad legs so I stayed there and they talked to me and gave me a signed poster but to be honest I don't really know what happened because I was too busy being in awe and panic and oh my god I met them why am I such a social retard I could have been really cool but instead I look like a confused deranged looney.

Then after the gig I managed to have my photo taken with the lead singer (see photo below, I can't stop this website from cropping most of him out so you'll have to live with just me, ahahaha) who I actually managed to say words to instead of just nodding and making sounds. Ohmygod as I write this I still can't believe it happened, these are the kind of moments that make cancer all worth it :D Maybe I should have milked it if this is how amazing milking it is! They're such an important band to me because although I'm obviously very sexy and wonderful and amazing there are times when it's hard to feel like that. You know, those days when I've got snot pouring out of my nose and pus dribbling out of my eye and I have some big graft versus host rash on my neck and I'm walking like I'm drunk and all that crap, sometimes I do forget that I'm 21 and still actually reasonably attractive under all this phlegm. I cried in the Sainsbury's bakery afterwards, a man caught me dribbling tears on the pancakes, I think he thought I was a proper mental. Ah, life is cool.

I really shouldn't have made that picture my profile picture on good old facialbook, I just keep staring at it and thinking 'did that actually happen or have they been slipping me septrin again'. Then I finally got home yesterday to my beloved hot water bottle (it was one of those evenings where I had so many aches that I just couldn't decide where to put it) and some lovely dynamite tea. I feel a bit rotten, but I swear to god that there's no better way to end up feeling rotten :D

That was a lot of writing. It's definitely time for a sleep, my legs feel like stone and my brain feels like soup and all these happy memories are swishing around like the Baltic sea. Whatever you may have heard, I can assure you that cancer is actually the coolest thing in the universe :)

There's not much more to say other than a huge thanks to that security guard at the Ritz for gossiping about my cancer and RR for being so nice to me. I can now say I met two sets of famous people, the Chuckle Brothers and one band. OH YEAH I HAVE ALL THE TOP CONNECTIONS :D :D :D

Constanze :) xXxXxXx

P.s Don't even ask how my real world plans are going. I will sort it all out soon. Honest.