The name's Captain Awkward

Good evening folks and yokes and spokes :)

I've spent the past two days in various hospitals, partly for business and partly for pleasure. As you already know I'm currently being part of some DVD about what the fuck happens when you stop having cancer ALL THE TIME and have to enter THE REAL WORLD FULL OF TUMOURLESS PEOPLE and BLA BLA BLA. I went to Weston Park on Monday with some of the other young person cancer crew to have photos taken for posters and porters and everything inbetween. We thought it was just going to be a simple photo but upon arrival it appeared this would be no mere photograph. The presence of balloons, pizza, scissors, ribbons and general chaos was only a hint of what was to come. But here's one of the (more normal) photos of us all, looking very handsome indeed (I'm not sure if I'm allowed to put this photo here or if it's a SECRET CANCER BUILD UP THE SUSPENSE PHOTO but if it is oh shit I've ruined it all now whoops whoops whoops.). There were other pictures of subjects as diverse as gay baby making and partner swapping but they're far too racy for this blog of purity. Says the girl who's sworn twice by the end of the first paragraph...

And a nice 'behind the scenes image'. Weston Park hospital is so so beautiful. Also I hope you're enjoying my great big fly catching gob.

After that I missed the last direct bus home so some other the other cancery types and I hung around the unit like tramps for a bit. Then I went down to the station and started a lot of arguments with various train conductors and platform staff after seeing one of them being mean to a disabled person. My heckles were extremely raised and not even orange juice and mayo calmed me down. East Midlands trains will wish they've never been born when I've finished with them. You don't mess with the Cancerstanze. The tricks they play, they're about as committed to their disabled customers as I am to the vegetarian cause. But anyway.

I eventually got home at about 11pm but then did my usual tricks of getting distracted by food and wondering how many Yorkshire puddings have been eaten in one sitting and having legs that feel like bricks so sleeping didn't really happen until 12 or 1. So you can imagine what a delightful sight I was at 6 when I had to get up. Squashed rollers, eye dribbling pus, you name it, my face had it. Luckily though I got myself a breakfast sandwich the size of my head and I was 100% FULL OF ENERGY BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS sort of maybe. Rolled on up to hospital, Snowdon saw me first and... What's that? He's been gossiping about me at some conference in Geneva? That's right, my cancer is so confused that they gossip about it at international events. I'm like the Katie Price of leukaemia me, my scandalous messed up drugged up never seen before madness life with cancer. He was asking people for their thought on the dasatinib/no dasatinib (my main cancer drug) issue. The general consensus is to keep me on it, the protection against relapse just about outweighs the bad bits. To be honest though I'm not sure anyone really knows the best answer, Prof.C (one of the world's leading leukaemia specialists) is on team STAY ON DASATINIB so I'll just jump on the bandwagon. There wasn't much else to be said so I went off to bloods, although not after aquiring a stray patient... "OH LOOK THERE'S CONSTANZE SHE'S GOING TO BLOODS YOU'LL TAKE THIS NICE LADY TO BLOODS WON'T YOU?". Sure thang.

But yeah, a successful day all in all. I didn't learn much that I didn't already know. Oh, actually, that's a lie, I learnt to not use the middle toilet on the third floor because there's no hook on the back of the toilet door. I knew there was a reason I always habitually used the one on the left! :D Oh my god when did I get so easily amused? :S :D

I should probably be off now though, it's nearly midnight and as you know I've been up since 6 and didn't go to bed until after twelve yesterday and my sleep pattern has been eaten and shat out by several whales... Before I go though I will leave you with thie beautiful image of me next to a window that says "Chesterfield Vs Cancer". Chesterfield is my hometown and where I live now. I think I can now safely say that cancer is going downnnn mofofofo!

Yeah, that's a pretty awful photo. This is what happens when you give technology to anyone over 40. Not that I hang out with 40 year olds. I'm about 100, I swear, hesoos hesoos hesews. Anyway, nighting nightly night!

Constanzistan :) xXx

P.s I forgot to mention that the Teenage Cancer Trust do little work experience things, I mucho mucho want to do one, waiting on some exciting infoz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz etc.