Bye Bye Blackbirdful

Hello everyone, I'd like you to meet my friend mucus and my friend mucus and my friend mucus and my friend mucus and EVERYONE IS MUCUS NOW. That's right, I've gone and caught myself ANOTHER VIRUS. I really don't mind my constant acquisition of them but do I really have to get them just before my week of epic excitement? I'll have ten viruses if the world wants, just not between the 2nd and the 8th. That's it. Just a week. I just want a week where my blood gets out of bed in a morning and tells all those germs to piss the fuck off. I've already doubled my antibiotic dose, I have four days to get rid of Mr Smelly Virus or fate/karma/god/whoever/whatever runs the planet will have the living bejeebs kicked out of them. Except it won't because I'll be full of snot but I'll damn well give it a go!

And then of course if my virus does persist then I'll be in another of my "Should I phone the hospital? I should probably phone the hospital but I'm going to Manchester tomorow and I really don't want to go and get swabbed instead. I have Swedish people to marry, I just don't have time for all this cancer malarkey. But Yusef will be so dissappointed if I don't go when I should. Those Libyan eyes will look at me like the mental I am and he'll throw me out of the hospital and my reputation as a well behaved patient shall be forever ruined bla bla bla...". All this sore throat and snottyness has just set me up with a frozen yogurt addiction. I swear to god that cocaine is far cheaper than this yogurt I've been getting, I could probably own a small town with the money I've spent on ruddy bacterially fermented milk. Actually when I call it that it does sounds of heck of a lot less delicious. YUMMY MOULD. I ate a scorpion once. It was ok.

It's weird looking back now. Just as it's always been a bit awkward trying to introduce myself as a cancer patient without people just staring at you like you're some kind of alien from afar, it's now getting a bit awkward as I casually drop the whole "Oh, yeah, I had cancer for a bit" into the conversation. I don't want to get by in life just coasting on my sob story illness but at the same time I have to tell people so they don't confuse me with some layabout lazy bugger. I remember someone saying to me at the start of my illness that "it seems like a big thing now but in a few years it'll just be something tiny" and I can finally see what they meant now. It's still a big thing but I can feel the importance of my cancer kind of diminishing every day. I just look back at it with a strange sort of nostalgia. It certainly beats a gap year, you don't make friends like I've made in a youth hostel in Thailand :D

The only bad news of the week was a little friend of mine dying. There's a blackbird nest by my back door and all the rain made it fall to pieces a bit and I came home one day and three of the four babies had fallen out. Two were dead but I managed to bring one back from the brink of death (he was only breathing once every couple of minutes, poor little thing) and he spent a night with me listening to Murderdolls, eating mealworms and enjoying a lovely wool cardigan. By the morning he was back to his normal handful of a self and had a new name (Cleppy, short for Asclepius) so it was time for him to go back in the nest. Sadly the last baby had also fallen out in the night too and was also dead but we repaired the nest a bit and put Cleppy back in. Mum and dad were very happy! Then sung and danced and fed him all day! I was very happy because Cleppy was a hardcore bird who nearly died but doesn't give a shit, he just wants worms. Remind you of anyone? The next morning he was nowhere to be found though, I suspect he had been lunch for some animal. I was a bit sad, but at least something got a meal out of it. Poor Cleppy, he was the loveliest blackbird I've ever met. At least we got to be chums for a couple of days :)

ANYWAY. I have to go, my throat is grating like a cheese grater, it's time to have more FROZEN YOGURT and more EXPENSIVE GREEN TEA. Fuck you hypothalamus!

Constanze :)

P.s Check out my other amazing blog, it's about things I origamify when I'm not busy riding my dragon and hassling wildlife- http://www.foldingshitcraftyshit.blogspot.co.uk/