Constanze's Famous Last Words

To quote me upon leaving hospital on Monday-

"Yeah, I caught two viruses at FYSOT last year, this year I think I've got away with just one"

Oh Constanze. When will you learn. Never, ever count your chickens before your eggs have hatched. Never, ever count your croutons before Jane's got near then. And most of all never ever ever ever count your viruses before your swabs have come back. This morning I was half sleeping in bed, rolling around, being tired, coughing and generally doing all the things you'd expect a cancer patient to be doing when the phone rung. I pretended I hadn't heard it. Rolled and coughed some more. The phone rung again. I got out of bed, I'd just got to the door of my bedroom and the ringing stopped. WELL. Clearly the world doesn't want me to answer the phone I thought so off back to bed I buggered. Slept for a couple more hours, dreamt about going to a music festival held on the edge of a cliff and all the fans kept falling off the cliff and then swimming back up the cliff (no, I didn't understand either) and woke up and then decided I should probably see who's been phoning me. No one ever phones me so I half knew it was going to be hospital. That or three phoning me to try and make me switch to three I'M ALREADY ON THREE WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME FO AWAY.

Number withheld. Tha'll be old hozpikul. But who in the hospital? The investigations begun. Phoned the transplant nurses. Wasn't them. Phoned day ward. Receptionist put me through to one nurse who put me through to another nurse who put me through to another nurse who then finally told me that I had two viruses and needed to come and collect some drugs. Why get one virus when you can get two? One's a boring rhinovirus (known to you and I as a boring common cold) but the other is an exciting slightly rare virus called moraxella catarrhalis. As I can't pronounce or type that we can call it Moxy for short. Plus it makes it sounds more cute and cuddlesome <3 Moxy is immune to penicillin which explains why despite having my penicillin dose doubled I didn't seem to be getting any better. It's a virus that's very common in children but basically no adults get it. Which I find very confusing because I never go near children. Which just proves how shit my immune system is, I've caught a virus from a child that must have been a hundred meters away because that's as close as I tent to get to shit minihumans. Fucking children. It's not really very serious but can lead to more nasty things such as pneunomia, plus my immune system is too shoddy to get rid of it by itself so I have to have some drugs to help me.

So I got ready in record time (it's a four hour round trip to hospital and back and I didn't want to miss the last bus home) and hopped on the hospital bus. When I arrived pretty much everyone had gone home but there were still a couple of nurses hanging around and I stayed for a chinwag. And a party. The party never stops on a Friday at the Hallamshire hospital. I was very very tired. All I wanted for my Friday was a sleep. A lovely sleep. Instead I have some tablets the size of my face. Om nom nom. Om nom NOSH NOSH WARGHHH SBLAMMMSMMSOOSK SHOOSHHHHHH WHOOOOSHHHHH COUCH COUGH COUGH AN OLD LADY TOLD ME I SOUNDED AWFUL how kind of her why do my lungs appear to be on the floor they're not a mop or a footstool why are they there aaarrrggghhh these tablets better work soon or I'll have no coughs left to cough and I'll EXPLODE WITH VIRUS AND DEATH DOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM be quiet me.

Bed now. Sexy sleeptimes with my sexy new friend Moxy, it's one of the few times you go to sleep with someone and hope they're not there when you wake up in the morning... When it comes to viruses, I get them all ;)

Constanpartyhardze xXxXx