I'm absolutely bladdered

Afternoonevening folksies. My extreme pain mystery has been solved. Or at least, partly solved. What's wrong with Constanze?

SHE HAS LOTS OF E.COLI. IN HER BLADDER.

This is usually caused by people having too much sex but of course I have it because I have no immune system. Joy of joys, I miss the sex bit and just get the bacteriumz. You know I had to piss in a pot on Tuesday? Well, they analysed it and managed to grow a whole forest of crap and weirdness but no one noticed until Friday (my bloods and stuff are normally fine so I'm pretty low down the 'things to check' scale). I was innocently wandering around the outskirts of Chesterfield when I got a phone call and one of the transplant nurses was all like "YOU HAVE A SERIOUS INFECTION ARE YOU ALIVE E.COLI E.COLI E.COLI" and I was like "SURELY I'D KNOW IF I HAD E.COLI IN MY BLADDER AND I WOULDN'T BE SKIPPING AROUND THIS INDUSTRIAL WASTELAND" and she was like "ARE YOU SURE ONLY YOUR SIDE HURTS" and I was like "YES" and she was like "OH OK THEN YOU WEIRDO COME TO THE HOSPITAL FOR SOME FREE DRUGS OR YOU'LL HAVE E.COLI FOREVER AND IT'LL GO UP TO YOUR KIDNEYS AND EAT YOU ALIVE" and I was like "YESSSSS HOSPITAL". But no, seriously, I was so confused. Generally when you have a bladder infection you need to wee lots and weeing burns and all these horrible other things but I have somehow missed out on all these things which I supposed kind of balances out all the rough sex I didn't get beforehand. Although apparently I can have all the rough sex I want and not get any infections because post menopausal women's risk of UTIS is very low and unaffected by sex like normal young people so ha I win. Although I don't because I still get them because my body can't fight any germs because it has cancer and it's silly. But when I get me some white blood cells when I'm better I can shag everyone all the time and it will be superfine except I won't because I'm a prude but I still can and it's the thought that counts.

So yeah, lots of super strong antibiotics for me. The same ones used to treat testicular cancer and gonorrhea and ear infections. Let's hope they work their magic quickly because if the e.coli works its way up into my kidneys the world will implode and/or it will be very serious and I'll have to go into hospital and be poked lots by doctors.

I also think I may be coming down with some sort of cold/lung infection. I rattle a little bit. Like a rattlesnake. A sexy Northern confused drug filled rattlesnake.

There was also a little bit of panic and confusion about my lovely frozen eggs. I got one of the "Do you still want your eggs or should we give them to someone else or research or put them in the bin?" forms and it said my eggs expire in 2014. 2014??!!???!!! This is not good thinks Constanze, I thought I had until I was 28 to have kids, not 23. I'm 21 now and you have to wait at least a year after treatment to have kids so that's leaving a very small time frame in which to make some sexy babies. Luckily I phoned up and checked and they were like oops yeah that is confusing, that's only a review date, stop worrying and shut up. So all is good again. My life plan can go back to the first draft (stop having cancer, buy ice crean van, hide in Russia in ice cream van for a bit, find Russian husband, have zombie wedding, take over world, make army of Constanze clone children and make them march, build MRI scanner big enough to scan a whale, shut up now Constanze, ok sozsozsoz).

Now there is just waiting for chimerism results and maybe waiting for E.Coli results, who knows, it is a mystery to me and the Moldovans...

Constanze :) xXx