Ok. I seriously need to eat batteries.

I can see no bad coming of such a thing. We've all seen I'm a Cyborg (actually, no one I've ever met has. I think it's definitely everyone else that doesn't have any taste in films, and certainly NOT me, as my taste is impeccable*...), people can be powered by batteries. Just because it was set in a mental institution doesn't mean it won't work in the Hallamshire. This week has too many things happening and I am somewhat intimidated by how much being awake I'm going to have to do. I imagine there will be no Saturday, as I shall sleep through the whole of it. NO SATURDAY. A whole day got kidnapped! Oh my god, so much awake. So few napping opportunities... Tomorow is up at 6. Anyone want to lend me a haemoglobin or two?

On another note, why does my mother hate zombies so? Zombies are the highlight of my life. Apparently Zombie shooting games are too violent for me, as I am very impressionable and start trying to shoot strangers in the street. I am just being safe. You never know. So, as the replacement, I am playing a game where you go off on crusades... As if that's not giving me ideas...

Weighed myself at my gran's yesterday and got a horrible shock, a bit like when I used to electrocute me sen playing with circuits as a child. 7st 12! NOOOOOO. That is the WRONG WAY. The VERY wrong way. Like driving on the correct side of the road in France. I then panic ate all the cheese, mushrooms and calamare I could get my hands on, and felt very ill. Shit shit shit, my BMI is now 16.9!!!!!!!! (18.5-25 is healthy, just so you know.) Holy fuck, the UK average is 25.4. That stomach specialist better have some good ideas, or soon I'll get mistaken for a washing line prop and I'll spend the rest of my years in some strange person's garden...

*DO NOT READ FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IF I FIND YOU AT ALL ATTRACTIVE, YOU FIND ME AT ALL ATTRACTIVE, OR MIGHT SOME DAY WANT TO SEDUCE ME* I have done some impressive poos this week. They have all been of a sensible, normal consistencey, but the colour spectrum! (Just if you're wondering, I have to look at my poo to make sure it's normal, in case my cancer/drugs are killing me, I don't do it for fun on a Sunday afternoon). You could seriously make a Dulux colour chart out of them. 'Tuesday's Toilet Green' Ok, I'm going to stop that now. I'm even starting to disgust myself. And I've only been disgusted about twice, once when Brady pooed in the shower (sober)(with me in the room), and once when Ecky put his chewing gum in my sandwich. People are awful.

And, oh, would you look at that! It's Machine Head O Clock. Must leave you, Old won't play itself.

xXXxXXx

*By impeccable, I am omitting such choices as pink tye dye trousers, pvc skirt, Kekko Kamen, all of the fur/sequins/glitter, terrible 80s music... Actually, I'm just omitting everything I've ever done or owned in my entire life. But that isn't really the point here. The point is sharp**.

** Was that a joke? No. Do I ever shut up? Similar response. It's tricky, tricky, trick trick trickyyyyy. Ack, must you clean your path so loudly?! And that cow is too excited for 10 O Clock on a Monday morning. SHUT UP COW, SHUT UP CONSTANZE.