In the words of the Nineties- "Things can only get better!"

Today has been a day so ridiculous I am now wondering how the world survives. I wasn't going to post until the end of my epic week, but today so much silliness happened that I just know I'll have forgotten at least half by Saturday. Saturday-That-Doesn't-Exist-Day.

So, how many hours did I wait for transport today?

8.

That's right.

8.

Maybe an itinerary would make the day clearer and more understandable for those of you of a less hospitalised nature...

6.00
Constanze's alarm wakes her up. She decides this is a disgusting hour of day that no one should know, and dozes for a while.
6.30
Mother comes into room and angrily turns light on to try and rouse the sleeping ball of cancer.
6.31
A reluctant Constanze emerges. Then there is foreging for food, oral hygene and general dressing.
7.30
Sleepystanze sits in her armchair, ready for transport. Does not dare to turn on the tv or laptop for fear of missing the knocking at the door. Reads book, rather quietly, in case the turning of pages makes too much noise.
10.30
Hmm, thinks Constanze. It is half ten. My appointment was at quarter past. As has been previously discovered, time travelling hospital transport does not exist. So, a phone call to the hospital is made. Apparently someone has been to pick me up, and I hadn't answered the door... Yeah, right. I have been sat just a couple of metres from my front door for 3 hours. No one has knocked at it. My mum's in to, and between us we have four fully functioning ears, and either my driver today was a mouse, knocked on some randomer's door, or he knocked within the hearing range of a bat. She says she'll phone transport and get back to me soon.
12.00
'Soon' after, she calls back to say no one can bring me in for the morning. After the morning has ended. She says she will call back with news of whether there's a chance I could get sent to day ward in the afternoon instead.
12.30
I am bored of all this waiting, so I go to rearrange my books. Start choking on dust, and start wondering whether 9 encyclopaedias is too many.
15.30
Ok... So, no one's phoned back and I am sad and confused. I phone them, and apparently they've sent my notes to Snowdon and he's said nothing. Didn't remember to phone back, you mean. I just offer to pop up to day ward on Thursday after my other appointment. She agrees. So, great, I have even more treatment on my birthday. No Israeli films for me. But, at least it's a resolution, and I won't have to have an extra day of hospitals. And, of course, I've lost my Tuesday to endless waiting. Pah.

So, to summarise, today was not a success. And of course, none of it was my fault. I must've murdered a lot of kittens in my past life, jesus christ.

On the other hand, had I have been in hospital I wouldn't have got around to ordering my book collection, and finding such classics as 'Breakfasts around the world', 'Practical Vegtable Dyes' and, of course no less than 3 books about Eastern European folk costumes. I think I may be the only person whose book collection goes Pete Burns, Nabokov, Titan- Saturn's biggest moon, Aristophanes, The Book of Drag, Bosnia- a short history. That was a genuine line up. I concern myself. I think I may have too many books. Damnit, I spent my youth reading. I should have been drinking and partying and listening to hip hop and being in a gang and stuff... I lost all those years I should've been rebelling to smelly old tomes! (You can tell I'm panicking about turning 20). Maybe I'll rebel in my 20s instead of my teens. See? DOUBLE REBELLION. I AM REBELLING AGAINST THE TIMING OF REBELLION. A HA HA HA AHA HA HA AAAAAAAA HA HA.

Ah, what am I on about. I had fun in my teenage years, and that is what matters. I mean, some of my greatest memories are of being an idiot. Eg skateboarding of a roof, seeing how many people could wee in a toilet at the same time, guess the drug cocktail, sex in larders. Jesus, stop rambling. You're all grown up now, and the world's expecting you to stop buying Kinder Eggs. WELL, THE CAN EXPECT ALL THEY WANT. Suckers.

So, yes. What should have been a very medically informative day has proved to be quite the opposite. The only thing remotely related to my health which I learnt was that I am a compulsive hoarder of books and fairly soon both the entry and exit of my bedroom shall be physically impossible.

I was feeling good today, aswell. My stomach remained the shape of a stomach, my legs allowed me to walk upright, and I've only had one nap. Pahhhhh!

That is all.

xXx

P.s Today the postman delivered 9 postcards. I am SuperPopularStanze!

P.p.s Who are all these foreigners that read my blog? I see you, in Washington, in Israel. WHO ARE YOU? If you tell me I will promise you safety when I rule the world... Tempting.