A Post That Is Not For The Squeamish...

Hmm, this could end up quite a long 'un... Just like the good old days of my blogs... There's been a fair few happenings in this here medical institution and I haven't written you a post in days! For this I apologise. I can only excuse myself with severe pain and tiredness... I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me...

Now, for the highlight of the past few days. The needle in my spine. Oh yes, they shoved a lovely large needle into the centre of my spine to steal the fluid around my spinal chord for some tests... You may all be shuddering, but it was completely painless! Either that or my leg pain just dwarfed it to an unnoticable level... It turns ut that spinal fluid does not look exciting. Like water. And they took shitloads of it! I swear to god there's nothing left protecting my wonderful spine!

Actually, there's been lots of medical procedures lately. Like my failed MRI scan. That was very amusing. I had to take my make up off because it was so shiny. Ad they were highly concerned about all the ribbons in my hair affecting it. I managed to convince them that all was good and that my metallic hair ribbons were just a figment of their imaginaion. Oh, and I pointed out that they take about half an hour to remove. That could also have been it...

I told all the doctors there was no point sending me for an MRI. Even with the maximum dose of painkillers, my legs still cane and cause me to twitch and writhe, which is no use in a scan where you have to stay deadly still for well over an hour... They put me in the scanner. You feel like an alien being hatched, you're in a thin white tube full of noises like builders digging up concrete... If you have any degree of clostraphobia, I imagine it's enough to send you demented. Luckily, I was just excited about all the Medical Physics!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAYWOOYAYYYYYAYYYYYAYYYYWOOOOHOOOOO!!!! (I feel the need to clarify for all of you ho were confused by that excitement- For a very long time I have wanted to build all these scanners so seeing them in the flesh is VERY VERY VERY VERY exciting). Anyway, within a few minutes the excruciating pain had started, I was trying so hard to stay still, but it was impossible. I was in the most pain I'd ever known. About 15 minutes in they sensed something was up and came and got me out. I'd been crying so much there were two massive puddles on their machine...

And so that scan was called a failure. They got a couple of horrendously rubbish images, from which they could see no glaringly obvious signs of any more serious causes for my leg pain or swollen optical nerves. It looks like they're definitely just side effects of drugs and leukaemia. Score. They did a CT scan of my head later, which was a lot more successful. "I'm just going to inject you with this, it'll make you feel hot and like you've wet yourself"... Fortunately for me, I'm in a minority of people that x ray dye has neither of these effects on! Yaytimes! But then they wouldn't let me see the pictures, and I got grumpy. Hate. Ct. Scanner. Department.

Been given some more free blood these past couple of days. I love free blood. You all think bing pissed is great, but stealing haemoglobin beats a vodka and coke anyday... I feel like fucking Red Rum and his enlarged heart. Or did he have two hearts? He had something mental. I must have the blood of 6 different people milling around in my capillaries. I bet one of them's Pudzianovski. I really cannot spell that. Or Wenta. OH MY GOD. It might be Janne Virtanens!!! Or just average Joe. Who is still a lot healthier than me...

I'll probably be leaving hospital sometime next week! MegaUberJoys! All I have to do is not have a temprature for three days... Sounds easy, but when I've been hitting 39 these past couple of days... Yeah. I am hotter than the surface of the sun.

I need a wee. I need lots of wees these days. It's all this ruddy drinking thay make me do. And all those saline drips. "We need to keep your blood pressure up bla bla bla", YOU'RE BREAKING MY BLADDER! I definitely need my one of those. Ooo, what's that snake who's bite turns your blood to jelly? I want me new skills like those, it I grew viper teeth and could do that then I would not mind about this whole cancer thing one little bit... OR if I got to be a manatee... Or have an army of squirrels. Imagine that! You could invade whereever the fuck you wanted and be sure of victory!

I am missing lots of people, all you Oxford types. I need Helen to make my cancer gay. I miss my physics homies. And Pete, sexy, joyful, wonderful, horse loving Pete. Pete Pete Pete. Being in a hospital far far away is not good for seeing your fwendies... I'm even over an hour away from the Derbyshire ones!

Most of all I am missing the James. I am turning into a mental. Because of his exams he is forbidden from visiting. This is killing me... I haven't seen him since 447674BC. I sound like a right sloppy twat, apologies, but it must have been a month since I saw my six foot two of gorgeous and I have lots of cancer and it isn't fair and I want my nerd and the South keeps hogging all of him when I need him more because he can squeeze hug all of the blast cells out of me and make me better and happier and physicsed...

I have found out the only few things that make me cry in here. The first is tiredness and how they absolutely constantly wake you up, I had three nights in a row at the start of the week where I was woken up for tests until two or three AM, then woken up again at 6. I am wonderful and happy and chirpy... UNTIL I get tired. When I am tired I am not nice or cheerful. And I don't like being woken up. Particulally not on the hour, every hour from 10pm till 3am.

I saw my third pooing man yesterday. It would appear men in the 50-80 age range with blood diseases don't feel it neccisary to lock the door when going for a poo. This is somewhat wrong. Speaking of poo, I have been getting to know mine a lot more intimately, when you have to do it in containers and give it to the nurses you do find yourself checking it for deformities. My poo is pretty impressive, I have a good colour scheme going on!

My vision is also getting really bad. I apologise for any typos, but I can't really see what I'm writing all too well... My legs are also starting to make me want to scream slightly, so I might call it a day!

xXx

P.s I was in a very good mood all day today. Win.