Neunundneunzig Luftballons

Ahoy there crew!

Big big news in the world of Constanze and her cancer... Yesterday I was minding my own business at my desk at work, looking at some sexy stamps and dropping biscuit crumbs everywhere when all of a sudden my phone rang. I nearly had a heart attack because I though it was on silent and when it rings it plays Judas Priest and that's the last thing you're expecting at 3pm on a Wednesday. What a shock, worse than those needles they used to stick in my legs to electrocute them for laughs and giggles or to test for nerve damage, can't quite remember which. But anyway, I am uberdigressing, the main point of this paragraph and post and pretty much the entire point of my life that for the very first time ever my chimerism came back at 99%!!!!!!!(insert about ten million exclamation marks here)!!!! 99%! Ninety nine damned motherfucking balls licking boob jizzing per cent. As you all know it's been stuck wavering on 97/98 for over three years at least so this is super significant. When the nurse told me I nearly fell off my chair. I AM SO GOOD AT THIS CANCER MALARKEY.

I know it's been a while since I spoke about chimerisms and what they mean; for anyone who's forgotten the per cent is how much my bone marrow is my donor's. So it's 99% his (good as it doesn't make cancer) and 1% my original stuff (bad as that makes alllllll the cancerzzz). There is of course the margin of error but WHO CARES ABOUT MARGINS OR ERROR I am the best ever at not dying look at me go at the speed of light on a bacon powered moped. Aiiieeee. Teamstanzegogogo.

I don't know, it's just given me a lot more hope. I thought I'd be stuck in the mid nineties forever. There's just this little bit of extra light at the end of the train tunnel of leukaemia now. Five long years and three of them just haven't seen any progress, just the same old stalemate and the same old numbers. I know 1% extra doesn't seem like much but it feels like the whole universe for me. One small step for Constanze, one giant leap for Leukaemiakind. Just one step away from that mysterious 100%... And then who knows? Maybe they could take me off my chemo drug and maybe even... A complete cure? It just now seems a lot more feasible now. That I might one day leave the realms of the dying and join the realms of the living.

Ostrich banana fuckmuffin batallion.

In other news I am having yet another battle to achieve the simple task of getting my medications. I'm supposed to have a three month repeat prescription as I'll be taking all my tablets (bar the chemo) until I'm at least 50 so obvs they can give me loads at once. But double obvs my retarded GP has ballsed up my repeat presctiption (they only realised this on my third drug collection, I enquired as to why they kept getting it wrong) and written that I can have three months of my thyroid and penicillin drugs but only one month of my HRT. GEE THANKS SO MUCH DOC IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE SHITTY LEGS AND STRUGGLE TO PICK UP MY DRUGS AS IT IS. So nice of you. So I phoned up the GP and got the biggest pain of a receptionist. I explained what had happened and she told me if you're on HRT you have to go in for a check up every month and that's why they only give one month's supply. Obviously this is a load of bullshit, I've been taking this drug for years and that's probably the most stupid thing I've ever heard. Upon telling her this (much more politely than that because I'm SO NICE) she said she wasn't a medical professional and how was she supposed to know... I just. Why. Why does god put such stupid people on this Earth. If you're not a medical professional then why on earth are you making up medical advice? Eventually she said she'd get a doctor to phone me back. Which if course never happened. It's things like this that really get to me, not for me but because I'm really clued up, I know what I'm doing and what drugs I take and where I am. It's the people who don't who phone up that girl and get told utter bullshit, you know, the old, infirm and generally confused.

My other problem over the past two weeks has been the escalator at the train station I get off at for work. Literally the most stupid problem ever. Basically the escalator hasn't been working so everyone has to walk up it... And I am slow. Slow and puffy and panty. I always end up with a massive gap ahead of me and a tonne of enraged businessmen behind me raving that they're going to get to work 20 seconds later. They finally fixed it yesterday so it'll plague me no more but ack. My legs. I actually had another shitty experience this evening, I got on the train home and my legs were no longer functioning so I had to sit down on the floor and this old lady told me I was in the way. I didn't respond. I didn't move because I literally couldn't, and I didn't say anything because I'm sick of explaining my old doddery legs. She didn't need to get past and nor did anyone else, the train was packed and she was just being a fart. I was in the way of the invisible man basically. Of course I'd have moved if she actually needed to get past but just barking random comments at me? Thanks a lotlotlot. Biatch. If only they knew the true mysterious my of broken insides.

But none of my leg related travel troubles can so much as slightly dampen the joy of my new found healthiness. Well, supposedly, I've been so so super tired this week, proper unexplainabley exhausted, I think my body has been too focused on fighting leukaemia and not enough on making some new blood. My secret internal healthiness perhaps. 99%. 99%. I am the Luftballon. The ultimate Luftballon!

I am off for a bath and a beer. That's exactly what this day needs!

Constanze the Queen of the Universe and also Everything :)

P.s It's my birthday soon. Celebrations a plenty. Double party. Triple party. All I want for Christmas is my two front bone marrows.

P.p.s I have amazing green lipstick on and it looks like I've gone moudly. So very sexy.