Under the River

Evening y'all!

What a strange moment I'm having. I'm drinking that tea I own that has a picture of blueberries on the packet but tastes like tomatoes. I may have mentioned it before but it confuses me every single fucking time. Like, I can't get my head around it. What in the fuckostrich looks blue but tastes red? I give up.

I'm settling into Luton surprisingly well, it may not be the North but it's about as close as the South has so I'm content. Plus my flat rocks; I discovered that it's actually right next to a river (you have to crane out of the window and look down so I missed it for a worrying amount of time) so I am now calling it a riverside apartment. River, random portaloo, building supplies, rotting Caravan, the stars and a suspicious alley, my view really does have it all. I do actually really love it though because I have massive windows and windowsills, I perch on the one in my living room before I go to bed every evening and have a pensive stare at all the dodgy Luton people going about their business. The only problem is that I like to have the window open to listen to all the drunken shouts but I keep nearly falling out of it into the gushing tides below. Which might cause just a smidgen of pain/embarassment/death. I also seem to be very popular with the local men who have taken to jeering lots of random things at me in the street including "I'd get jiggy with you" and "You look fucking smart, have you got a job?". Plus I've located Lidl so I shall starve no longer! Except I will because THE SOUTH IS SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE.

The job is also wonderful, it's really put into perspective how fucking miserable I was at my old place. Lotsandlotsandlots of stamps. I just love stamps so much. I can't put it into words, like a bear's love for his cave or that feeling you get when you eat salt and pepper crisps. It is quite nice to be working somewhere that's not in the middle of nowhere, while I did like walking through the forest and talking to the rabbits I certainly appreciate being able to go out of the office and acquire food at lunctime and go and chat with Charles II of an evening. And the commute is a dream too, it only takes me an hour. AN HOUR. SO BEAUTIFUL.

Healthwise my infection has FINALLY GONE MAJOR PARTY SEXY FUNTIMES. The drugs didn't completely cure it, they just lessened it and then my body took over and defeated it like a pro. I am so proud of my body right now. I'm not quite feeling 100% though because my lungs seem to have taken a massive battering, I'm finding walking especially tiring at the moment. Went to the supermarket today and it nearly finished me off. I was only saved by a massive freak hailstorm which made me overexcited and so I skipped home filled with adrenaline.

My five year cancerversary is edging ever closer, just two months to go. I feel some kind of celebration coming on but I'm not sure what, I think I want it to involve canons and nibbles and maybe a quarry. I actually think I might spend most of the day crying, I sort of want to cry just thinking about it, I am completely not dead at all not even a little bit (I know I say that far too much but it is the most epic and delicious thing ever). I do genuinely spend quite a lot of my days just thinking "wow this being alive business is really quite pleasant" alongside very little else. Like that hailstorm today, I was just on cloud nine, me, a duck kebab and puddles of confusing slush. I'm such a girl <3

Anyway, I'm off to put too much make up on. Because well over a decade after I started being a failed goth there is still no greater thrill than wearing far too much eyeliner :)

Constanze :) xXx

P.s Jeez. I can't deny it. I am very very very Northsick. Thankfully I'm going to Chesterfield this weekend to relieve some of the symptoms but I am finding it difficult. The North is in my soul and in my blood and it kills me a little every day not being there.

P.p.s Did I mention that I fucked up that rib again? You know, the one I broke coughing agggggessss ago. I think I may have re-cracked it with yet more sexy coughing. Much pain. Stupidstanze.

P.p.p.s I also discovered that the talk I did at FYSOT got a really high feedback rating and they want me back. I AM SO BLOODY TALENTED. Or I just swear a lot and that impresses teenagers. Again, not sure.