Wedding Number Three

Ah, another day, another case of "don't count your chickens until they've hatched". Or at least "don't count your arms until they've been injected". Yes, that's right, I spent my morning having injections aplenty (two in each arm to be precise). It all actually went quite well for a change; nothing ended up on fire and I'm not leaking pus. I had the first appointment (half seven in the morning) and I of course arrived my obsessive 15 minutes early to discover that the place wasn't even open yet and had to awkwardly hover around outside while the staff opened all the doors. CREEPILY EAGER CONSTANZE. Once I was inside a receptionist with all the charm of a shoelace couldn't comprehend my name and I had to shout it at her about five times before she decided that I wasn't making it up. I'm not even sure why she was confused because I was still the only one there and there's only one first appointment of the day. BIG MYSTERIES. But anyway, the nurse appeared and beckoned me over...

IT WAS TIME TO GO IN.

She was actually very friendly and nice and had all my vaccinations ready on the table. I was allowed to have lots at once because I am a hardcore professional patient, some people get so worked up that they can only give them one at once... Nesh. Nesh nesh nesh. I also managed to talk my way into ANOTHER vaccination, gots me some extra Hepatitis A because of my wonderful holiday to the Balkans in September. And also because otherwise I'd have had 2 injections in one arm and 1 in the other and that would have bothered me, need to be symmetrical or death will probably happen. So in they went, diphtheria, tetanus, pneumonia, polio and hep A. AAALLLLLLL OF THE DISEASES. I have to go back in September for more boosters, then again in November for MMR and some other random things that I can't remember. Muy bueno.

Then I went to work and was feeling very pleased that my arms weren't hurting much at all... I even bragged about it a little. Until lunchtime. Then my arms went into decline and have been getting worse ever since. Typical, ahahaha. Banana strawberry kiwi. They're fine as long as I don't try and move them upwards... I really don't feel very hard at all right now, I can have bone marrows like they're fluffy bunny but for some reason my body can't cope with a couple of injections. Jeez. About as sensical as a Rubik's cude on acid. Do they even call it acid anymore? Does anyone even take acid anymore? All I know about acid is that Lemmy took a lot of it and blew up a cliff. Or so my hazy memory of his autobiography goes. I really should make this blog into a book so I can tell my tales of pyromania and haemoconfusion and also become a millionaire and build a giant house that everyone with cancer can live in and have a 24 hour a day party with lots of naps and crisps and anti sickness medications.

In other news I went to another wedding in a beautiful spot in my wonderful homeland of Derbyshire. There was a trampoline and I spent a worrying amount of time bouncing on it. Then having a chronic heart attack and wishing I was dead as is the ever present trouble of having no lungs and no blood. And wearing a lined dress on a hot summer's day. Oh dear. But it was very mucho fun, despite all the sweatiness. But that's enough weddings now, as great as they are they are also slightly depressing. My knight in shining armor is my green condom resembling rain mac.

The real world is a strange place... I've had an extraordinary experience over the past couple of years but to me it's just normal stuff. To everyone else though... It's odd. Everyone has cancer, right? I miss hospital a lot. I'm not sure it's even the hospital, it's the vibe of hospital, it's being around other people in the same boat as you and with the same dark humour and outlook. I miss joking about urine samples and not having to censor mysef when talking about the pain and the waiting times. I miss seeing the biggest smiles on the poorliest faces. Real world people can be very reoccupied with small and silly things and I find it hard to relate. Fast cars, going to the gym, career plans... It's not important. And they don't realise that. Waking up of a morning is important, beyond that everything is wonderful. So just chill. One day you'll be dead and no one will give a fuck if you had a Lamborghini.

Still haven't worked out what to call my illness when I talk to real world people either. I am not cured. I am a bit cured. I am technically cured but there is a tiny bit of my bone marrow that is still trying to make cancer but I take a tablet to stop it but also it might not even be there. I may never be rid of it but perhaps I may be. I'm not 100% healthy and cured but if I say it's been thus far incurable then people confuse that with terminal which I definitely am not. Curabley incured. Cured with a smidgen of uncured. Cured with a smidgen of doubt. Cured as long as I keep getting along with dasatinib. Possibly even completely cured. This is the problem, it's too complicated, it's not black and white but people expect a black and white summary. Usually you either have cancer or you don't. I don't but my bone marrow is trying damn hard to. SILLY. I might go and bang my head against a wall, see if I can knock those haemogoblins out. Waaaa.

It's good times though, life is lovely. If only I was a little more awake... Ahhhh. I should probably be off, as per usual I think whatever I've got in the oven is burning. FEEL THE BURN. The burning burn of someone who's life is flashing past them as they sleep. I wish there were more hours in the day, I'm out at work and commuting for 12 of them and I need between 8 and 10 hours sleep and an hour to get dressed which never leaves much room for fun or hobbies. I think I'll take some origami on the train tomorrow. Fold my cares away...

Constanzistan xXx

P.s Really excited about talking at Find Your Sense of Tumour and passing on some of my amazing cancer experience. Don't fall asleep during sex. Don't ask for any of the free NHS sanitary towels. Don't go on a special TCT day trip and announce which hand you wank with. Basically I just shouldn't leave my flat :S