Hot N Cold

Oh, it's going to have to be a quick post, I'm halfway between being cautioned for drug offences and starting a major pandemic. As you all know I came back from holiday last week as beautiful as a bowl of cereal but within a day or two some form of virus set in. For the first few days it was annoying but still hilariously bearable. Then it became bloodthirsty and grizzly and the whole universe imploded. Something like that anyway. It was either the universe or my sinuses and the two are pretty synonymous.

And how do we know it's a bad one? BECAUSE I'VE TAKEN A DAY OFF WORK. Oh lord, the shame, how I hate admitting defeat. I've been asleep all day, roasting in my oven of a flat, only waking intermittently to go to the fridge and stare longingly at all the food I don't want to eat. My nose is snot, my head is being sat on my a baby elephant, my throat is sandpaper and I'm coughing like a contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Not to mention the interesting things that keep flying out of my lungs. If you can name a symptom then I probably have it, my body seems to have gone all out to make sure I don't miss any of the things that can go wrong with your health. Lucky me, haha.

Not long until bedtime, I just need to locate my scissors. I'm not one of these crazy mares who thinks it's ok to use your teeth to cut sellotape. No no no. Why am I even writing this? It's too hot and I'm very confused and I accidentally put a Lemsip in the washing machine. Today I only work in horizontal mode.

Oh plates and spoons...I have a cold on one of the hottest days of the year. How? Only Constanze. Only drug filled, germ ridden Constanze can make such craziness.

Bye bye!

Constanzesnotnose xXxXxXx

P.s I have an awful feeling this might be moraxella. I SHALL DEFEAT YOU RAAAAAA.

P.p.s I'm actually quite happy today (aside from the I AM NOT AT WORK shame), that may however be due to my taking of every single medication in my flat, lest I should ever not be at work again. I AM IRON MAN THE STAMPS NEED SAVING WHAT THE CUNTBOBBLE AM I ON ABOUT. Someone come and rotate me 90 degrees. Or maybe 450 so I feel like a helicopter.

P.p.p.s I tried to dye my hair to make myself feel better. I was going for green and red but ended up with blue and pink, as was my virus confused mind. How do colours work? Not like that kids, not like that.