I have less teeth now. Oops.

Well well well ladies and gents... I have had a spiffing weekend :) It was the annual meetup for people who are obsessed with postcards and I met lots of very cool people from all over the globe and I went and spent too much money and had far too much fun. My legs were very good which was nice although my ankles did swell up to massive sizes which was odd because they never normally do that. I can't keep up with my body, every day it has a new weird and wonderful thing it decides to do, I'm a one woman freak show!

Anyway, it's not long until my next clinic appointment now. Find out some news, some gossip. I imagine it might also be bone marrow extraction o clock soon too. I also just realised that they never made me a late effects clinic appointment!!! Whoops. It seems like an age since I was last in hospital, I need some appointments so I feel less like I've been ditched, haha. There was something wrong with one of the things in my blood last time I was there and I can't remember what it is... Too much... Something... Yes... Hmm... I... really need to concentrate on cancer more. Less daydreaming. Less secret plans to live at the top of a mountain with a giant slide and a whole lot of yaks. Less dreaming about never ending plates of steak. More knowing what planet I'm on and which random things have appeared in my blood this week.

But now I must dash for I have some delicious alphabet letter sweets to nibble and some horrendously mismatched clothes to fold... OH HOLY CRAP. Literally the second I wrote that I put the first sweet in my mouth I started crunching it and thought oh wow these sure are very hard sweets and then swallowed it and then realised PART OF ONE OF MY TEETH WAS MISSING. SHIT. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. I jinx myself EVERY FUCKING TIME. As you know I pride myself in having fucking awesome teeth, every time I go to the dentist everyone's amazed by how well they've survived all the radiation. And now even they've fucking gone. For fucking fucks sake. What the actual fucking fucking fuck is wrong with my cunting body.

I'm more traumatised by the fact I've eaten my own tooth. That's definitely cannibalism. Oh lord.

I suppose I'd better go and find a semi-emergency dentist. It's the second molar from the back (not counting my pathetic attempts at wisdom teeth) on the right at the bottom and it doesn't actually hurt (yet) but it's really sharp and keeps cutting my tongue. It's like a knife, I'm highly concerned that I'm going to wake up with my tongue sliced in half. There's about a quarter of the top part missing. I'd love to campaign for someone to come and kiss it better but I think kissing is currently a very dangerous activity for me... As are eating, talking and breathing. Existing in general. Tongues bleed a lot. I have no blood. No want slicy bleedy tongue please :(

I swear this will never end. I solemly swear I am never ever ever getting cancer again. You can take my spleen, you can take my lungs but you are not having my sheep damned teeth, damn saucepan malarkey!

Constanze xXx

P.s Nearly forgot, the letter from my donor has censored bits because sometimes we accidentally write things that aren't anonymous enough, like on his last one he put some place names that were too specific.I think I might be allowed to know his identity soon BUT they did have to go back to him and ask for some lympho top ups recently so I imagine it'll probably be a couple of years after I last needed something from him, not from when the actual transplant happened. They're so strict because a few years back someone had a transplant from a donor in Germany which failed and so they needed another one but the donor said they wouldn't donate again. So someone hacked the database to find them and send them a load of hate mail. Which wasn't nice.

P.p.s I am so stupid that I am continuing to eat the sweets I just broke my tooth on to console myself. A bit less violently though. I think they can take some of the blame. Radiation fucked teeth+sweets= bad times. If I can't even eat sweets without serious injury I actually am screwed. Some people jump out of planes for fun. Some people dive with sharks. I sit on a sofa with a bag of sugar. Jeez, could I actually wrap myself in cotton wool any more?

P.p.p.s I'm actually quite upset. Fuck fucking cancer. I need a holiday. I might fuck off to Poland for a while.

P.p.p.p.s I'd better not end up a toothless old hag. Eating is my number one pastime. As if I'm not awkward and strange enough without having a Weird Al song written about me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jK9ptFHTHQE

P.p.p.p.p.s I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting or not. I think if something equally bad had happened to one of my internal organs then I wouldn't have really given a shit but my teeth are one of those things I really cherish because they work. At least it's not one you can see. I am still the prettiest cancer patient there is :)