I look like a dumbell

Evening all! Yoday was a long day in hospital, I rolled up at about half past ten and poked my head around the corner of the corridor. PEOPLE. IN EVERY SEAT. So busy. Where had everyone come from? Do they know this is outpatients and not ALton Towers? There's only three clinics down my corridor; haemotology, diabetes and thyroidy people, you're not telling me there are that all the people there today had those illnesses, I'm sure some of them were just there for a warm, haha. Not that you needed a warm today, it was bloody boiling! It's supposed to be September, what the hell is with this heat, I specifically asked for some cold weather and what does Mother Nature give me? Burny burny sun, what a bitch.

The wait to see a doctor was long (I think Snowden was away and all the other doctors seemed to have gone walkies) but I didn't mind because I had some letters to write. The only bad thing was the two stupid fat retarded women sat next to me complaining constantly about how long they'd been there, I wanted to kill them. I was getting seriously riled up by them, there's one thing having a little moan about spending too long sitting around and then there's being damn rude and unappreciative and they'd jumper over the line and were now pissing on it. I soon solved that problem though by talking loudly to one of the nurses about how terrible rude moany people were and they soon shut up and looked very sheepish. We have amazing doctors and nurses in this country and they should be overjoyed to have access to top rate medical treatment, two hours out of your day really isn't much. Maybe if they'd brought something intelligent to pass the time (I wonder if they've ever heard of a BOOK) then they wouldn't have to spend it whinging. The devil makes work for idle hands, as they say.

But anyway, more about leukaemia and less about ignorance. I'd been there a couple of hours when one of the nurses came to weigh me, measure my waist and take my blood pressure. They've never measures my waist before, this seems to be some sort of new fashion in the medicine world. Because of this I've spent the whole afternoon measuring myself and learning new things about my body because I am completely sane and all I've found out is that I am a funny shape but I already knew that so really I found out nothing. Here are some results-

Constanze's weight: 74kg

Constanze's height: 170cm

Constanze's measurements: 35-28-42 (these may be dodgy, I couldn't find a tape measure so I used a piece of string and a ruler)

Constanze's BMI: 25.6 (slightly overweight but I'm obviously not, I am perfect)

Constanze's waist to hip ratio: 0.66 (this is low which is good, I have no weight on my stomach which means I won't have a heart attack, result. 0.7 is supposed to be the perfect ratio here in terms of attractiveness, my hourglass is TOO EXTREME but it's amazing really, science people lied!)

Constanze's bra size: 34B (!!!!????!!!! Will the HRT ever stop making my boobs grow to epic proportions? It's getting a bit scary now, they've now gone up over a cup size, I'm wondering if this is something I should have mentioned today. In all seriousness this might mean I have too many of some hormones although nothing has shown up on my blood tests)

Constanze's waist to height ratio: 41.8 (anything under 50 is great, for comparison Barbie is 25 and obese people are 58 and above, I am glad to be neither of those things)

So as you can see, in terms of fat distribution I am doing very well. My figure is so mental that I could probably join a freak show but I'll just count that as another career plan, GO ME. But for now, that's enough body measurements. It's the scientist in me, I just like measuring things... MUST... MEASURE... FOR... SCIENCE... MUST... MAKE... EXPERIMENT... MUST... LEARN... NEW... THINGS... ABOUT... BODY... My conclusion? There are many parts of my health that are completely fucked up, my weight is not one of them :D

There wasn't really much said in my appointment, it was with a new (very nice) doctor and it was more her getting to know my medical history. She seemed very interested in my random facial swellings (ooh yeah, sexy facial swellings), if it happens again then I have to go to day ward (and scare the living shit out of everyone on the way) and be poked and prodded some more. She had a good feel of my stomach which was very sore (ow ow ow) and a good listen to my chest which sounded pretty alright probably. I also got booked in for a bone marrow extraction as I predicted, that's on the 24th, exciting times! I really should get a photo so you can see how exciting and awfully gorey they are. Drill drill drill, we're drilling into your hip, drill drill drill, sucky sucky suck, on nom nom, MARROW MARROW MARROW WE HAVE LUNCH.

It was then the usual trudging through pharmacy and blood tests, some random medical person was very impressed by my hospital number tattoo and I spent about 10 minutes trying to explain how the drugs collection point works to an elderly lady. I then fell asleep on the bus home and woke up dribbling bright blue slobber because of some sweets I'd been eating. SEXY.

Super sleepy now, I've had a busy weekend too, as you can see in the photo attached to this post I held an Olympic torch and everything. The photo was taken at Olympex which is an exhibition of Olympic themed stamps WHICH WAS AMAZING OH MY GOD SO MANY STAMPS AND TO MAKE THINGS EVEN BETTER THE EXHIBITION WAS IN THE BRITISH LIBRARY SO MANY BOOKS oh my god I saw some amazing Kufic script Qu'rans (the script my tattoo is based on) oh my god AND I SAW ONE OF THE RAREST STAMPS IN INDIAN POSTAL HISTORY need to calm down breathe breathe breathe. I also saw the last of the Magna Cartas I needed to complete my collection of "I wonder if I can see all the copies of the 1215 Magna Carta in existence" viewing quest, I am now a WINNER. My life is exciting no matter what anyone says :)

Bathtime now. Got to wash away all those hospital germs, a bald man coughed on me and I elbowed a toilet door. Whoops!

Constanze :) xXx

P.s Lots of exciting hospital related things coming up soon, there's the Sheffield TCT 10th anniversary ball on Friday, the o floor TCT ward opening party, bone marrow extraction AND an appointment with Snowden, EXCITEMENT!