I was working in the cancer late one night...

Ahoy there!

Another week has passed and relatively little has happened (the exciting cancer lifestyle strikes again). I've been waking up with a really tender stomach and "at the bottom end of your ribs at the front" area every morning for the past few days which is starting to bother me quite a bit. The internet isn't proving much use, it just keeps suggesting that I'm pregnant (yeah, my infertile womb is soooo full of babies) or that I have a boob job (I already have boobs, two of them in fact) or whether this happened in an injury at work because I could be entitled to compensation. Maybe I should sue random cellular changes and get me some money, it seems to be the craze at the minute to sue the hell out of everyone in a 100m radius. Nah, no thanks world, money doesn't really buy any of the things I want (WHALES, ZOMBIES AND THE MOON) plus I'm pretty shit at filling in forms (Name: Constanze Carr NO Dennis Age:21 NO 22 Sex: yes please) and I actually quite like cells, they're rather important for remaining alive and if they go bankrupt then we're all screwed (Why so many brackets today? They're really confusing, sorry, I'll try and keep my usage to a minimum... Hahaha, fuck that shit, I love brackets, it's like they're hugging the words inside them <3).

My eye and my lip both swelled up the other day, that was pretty dramatic. Normally only one bit of my face randomly swells up at a time, two at once is crazy mental swelling, I must be properly allergic to something. Anyone want to takes bets as to what? Maybe I should have one of those allergy tests, "The results are back Constanze, you're allergic to lazy people, Kent, MRSA swabs, self adhesive stamps and the colour orange". This never happened before the transplant, for every gain there is a small amount of swelly swelly pain. I just wish my face would at least swell up evenly, not even the beautiful Constanze can pull off the Frankenstein look. I wish I could though, I have the organs to match!

Being 22 hasn't really sunk in yet, nor has how long I seem to have been ill for, I really have done illness on a seriously large scale. I'm 22, where did all those years go? The Royal Hallamshire gobbled them up and pooed them out as bags of blood that got hooked up to my arm. I'd really like to own a drip stand, there have been times when a drip stand has become my new best friend. What? I spent a long time alone in hospital and I'm a chatty person, so what if they don't talk back, they're the strong and silent type. I did actually see quite a lot of friends this weekend, ate steak, built FIRES, ran away from drinking, saw two people topless by accident (one enjoyable, one definitely NOT), ate more steak, ate pasta, gravel, gravel, gravel, more things, no one cares, bla bla bla. So I'm not that much of a loner. Honest.

Oh, and I nearly forgot, some random drunk middled aged men on the train told me all about zinc and how if I get some zinc tablets then I will be much much better and cancer shall plague me no more. I'm not sure whether to believe them, they seemed quite reasonable apart from the bits where they were quizzing me about all my past sexual activities (I actually saw one woman get up and move away when we got onto how many girls I'd kissed. Perhaps I should have done the same but it takes all sorts and I like to chat to anyone, it helps diversify the mind) and when I discovered they were from Portsmouth. I talk to everyone. I shared my umbrella with an old lady and she not only told me about how nice the bus journey is to Meadowhell but also that the zebra crossing needs painting. And a ticket inspector totally trolled me by telling me the train I was about to get on didn't exist. Then he laughed at me. I fall for any old schizz, chemobrain!

I ate a lot of Smarties (I know, I hate chocolate, I only like the outside but there was no one to give the middle to and I hate waste so I ate the middle too, boohoo) and I feel extremely extremely sick. Don't give me any sympathy though, this is entirely my fault and I need to learn that grown ups don't tip Smarties into their mouth like a cement mixer into a building!

Time to go and lie down, not be sick and think about things. Tomorow is the day that I might finally do it, finally drop out of Oxford. I really feel like when my university stuff is sorted then there will be a MASSIVE weight off my shoulders and living the high life can commence!

Constanzistanzistanzistan :) xXxXx

P.s Someone called my blog a fraud the other day because I don't technically have cancer anymore. Just a few cells trying to make it and having one of my drugs go NO DON'T DO THAT YOU SILLY WANKER OF A CELL CONSTANZE DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE CANCER. Please don't sue me (so many legal threats in this post), trying to make cancer is pretty much cancer, non?

P.p.s I think I need to stop listening to the Monster Mash so much. It gives me too many ideas about living in a castle pretending it's Halloween all year round... I'd like a jolt on your electrodes ;) And chat up lines like that are why I never ever pull anyone who still has all their marbles... Or indeed, anyone!