Afternoon to you all on this day of immense frustration. It's so hot today that I can barely even think and I hate hot weather and my brain is slush and why do people wish England was hot it's awful why did I get cancer if I hadn't I'd be happily living in Murmansk by now. I am Grumpystanze :)
Why do grumpy I hear you ask? Well, the woman from the cancer charity emailed and basically said that she hadn't heard back from any of the stamp companies they'd contacted and NO ONE WANTS ME why does no one want me I'm really cool. It's just pretty disheartening that of all these philatelic companies have either not replied or turned me down, I mean, if I don't go back to uni this is what I'd like to do as a career and if I can't even get them to accept me as a work experience kid for a fortnight then shit really is bad. Could not even one of them see past the fact that yeah, I've had cancer, but I also went to Oxford and I'm really fucking nice and capable and stuff? I don't feel like the world owes me anything but it would be nice if someone could give me a tiny little break :)
She did ask if there's anything else I'd like to do and I'm really not sure what to reply. I've always had quite a specific list of career plans and a lot of those got wiped out with the whole cancer malarkey; my first choice was a medical physicist or a stamp dealer but things like being a pilot have all since been destroyed. I'd like to do anything that's challenging and interesting, I'm just dying for a reason to get up in the morning. Something to wake up my mind from this anaemic slumber. I suspect this will all end up with me doing something I've never heard of or something really odd. I have to reply to her email now and I have no idea. I think I'll say any of the big London banks and be a sell out, I may have no soul but that looks damn good on a cv. Maybe I'll think of more things by the time I finish this! Cross fingers!
I do actually feel pretty sad. I love stamps. And I never feel sad. It's still a silly optimistic kind of sad, no matter how hard my brain tries I always know that I'm extremely clever and eventually I'll be living the dream with a cool job and a three wheeled car. I'll be fine about it all tomorow and back in Constanze's amazing fun delusionland, it's just today I feel like I've fallen at the first bloody hurdle of getting back to normality. I'm also frustrated that this has all taken so long to organise that none of it will happen before I decide whether to go back to university which was the whole point of why I contacted them. I'm pretty sure I'm going to quit Oxford, I don't think it's suited to my illness and I want to move one. But if I quit is this really what it's going to be like? I see all these people every day that I'm ten times smarter and more capable than and they have a great job and I'm sat here being told I'm not good enough to make tea for some ageing philatelists? Grumblegrumble.
I'm going to start approaching more companies myself, I suspect that I'm a lot better at selling myself because I know me and my vast array of talents and all that jazz. I don't know, I'm now torn because I really don't want to be constantly playing the cancer card but if this is how damn difficult it is to enter the real world then maybe running around shouting "I have leukaemia pity me and give me a job or an internship before I keel over and die please" is the only way forward?
Constanze :) xXx
P.s This also makes me even more distressed that I couldn't do that placement in Sheffield. Maybe I'll just have cancer forever, that's how it's starting to feel!
P.p.s Maybe I should get the sexy blog turned into a book. That's quickly becoming my only career option, haha :)
P.p.p.s I trod on a screw and now I walk even more strangely. It hurts. Never ever ever ever tread on a screw, that's my top tip for the day.
P.p.p.p.s I had such a cool weekend, I made fake garlic bread and failed at playing extreme tennis. I was also sexually assaulted by a cat. He was cute though so I don't mind :)
Wednesday, 25 July 2012
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Playing the Cancer Card. Yeah, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. On the one hand you could get it all out of the way right at the start, "Hey, before we begin, I've had cancer, but I'm ok now. Honest. Just a bit weak and weedy at times, but I'm fine. And I'm not going to suddenly die 6 weeks after you employ me." But that always freaks them out and then it's "well thanks, we've got some more people to see and we'll let you know". But if you don't mention it because you think it's irrelevant and they offer you the job and then you have to fill in the "have you had any major illnesses" bit on the form, and you say "leukaemia"...well then they say "why didn't you tell us before we offered you the job! You lied. Offer withdrawn!"
ReplyDeleteBummer.
Hey that's pretty rotten luck about the stamp thing. Yeah I think it'd a good idea to approach more companies yourself because you would better at selling yourself and you just sound like you would be a great asset to any company clever enough to take you on. Turning your blog into a book is a good idea! It IS that good/interesting/funny/sad/thought-provoking/entertaining/upbeat......I blinking love reading it for one.
ReplyDeleteSomething great is waiting on you chancing upon it.
I think it is a good choice to approach them by yourself. You have so many talents, you're a great organizer (fellow postcrosser here) and you're witty and clever. I know that you know that and that this is why you are frustrated (or at least grumpystanze). But I also think that people with a bunch of talents are doomed to be their own marketeers (is this a word? entrepreneurs? Promoters? All of them!). I think, writing a book wouldn't be a bad idea at all. Try it. If you find no one to publish it (which I doubt, but since I'm pro future authorstanze, I'm not sure if I'm not biased - but I still think publishers would love that), you can try prints on demand. Add some of your love for physics, languages and weird stuff, share your thoughts, your fears and wishes, just as you did here and you might be an inspiration for lots of people, no matter if cancer patient, healthy or whatever.
ReplyDeleteRegarding your education, it would be sad if you said goodbye to physics. But it is understandable that you wish a fresh start. However, if you just feel "wrong" at Oxford, what about another university? Or studying abroad (I can assure you that Germany is a nice country to study in, *hinthint* ;))? Or what about perhaps joining the open university (they have physics too) while working on you being a freelancer, writing your book or slowly building up your stamp-emporium? Or, what about trying to get a food into journalism? Hope I could add some new thoughts. :)
*Foot, not food. This would be plain weird.
ReplyDeleteOh dear jebus, don't give up college.... working sucks!
ReplyDelete