Constanze needs a leg up ho ho ho PUN

Morning guys and dolls :)

Sooo, I dyed my hair again. But this time it's green. A bit more of a demure green than when I had the wig because now I'm an adult and I have to not look like a mental 100% of the time. Except I'm not an adult and I look like a mental. Actually, I really don't know, the cancer bit has made me very mature and all that jazz but I still feel the need to have hair like a field and climb trees. Perhaps the trees and fields bit is just the fact that I've grown up in rural Derbyshire and can't bear to be without grass and foliage and branches? I really don't know but grass is pretty amazing, that's one thing that I know for sure. I'll put a picture of my stupid hair up at some point so you can all tell me how I've made myself even less employable :D

Urgh. Unemployable. I can't remember if I've written about my short term plans much before. Basically right now I want to find some kind of full time internship/work experience to see if I can keep up with real world levels of effort. There's kind of three routes that are out in the lead in terms of things I want to do, either go back and finish that Oxford physics degree, become a doctor or try and start working my way up in the stamp/antique industry. Or indeed start on some new voyage that I had never before thought about. This all pretty much depends on tiredness and I don't know. I'm still really not feeling going back to uni now (don't worry, I'll definitely do the physics degree at some point in mi vida) but if I don't then I'm sort of either I don't know or I don't know. I have a cv now and it's just full of really impressive things I did three years ago. I even have a LinkedIn account now which makes me feel both very official and very confused all at once. I've rambled about this a lot before, I know. The world just throws you in at the deep end a bit :)

In terms of my illness things are pretty boring. It's very weird not being hospital quite so much, the O ward is kind of like a big fluffy comfort blanket where nothing bad ever ever happens. I still can't believe there's a world outside the hospital walls! The planet doesn't end at outpatients! But yeah, I'm still very tired but I can feel my legs getting a bit better I think. I still fall over a lot and when I bend down to get the value biscuits from the bottom shelf I don't always get back up again but in terms of distance I can sometimes go a bit further. I don't even know when my next appointment is... I don't understand why I feel so much affection for a place I've nearly died countless times but I guess that's just how cancer goes. I've had cancer! That's like a proper hardcore illness. I forget this a lot. I forget that cancer isn't a normal career choice for 21 year old ladies. I just casually mention hospitals like nightclubs and injections like pints and chemo like Tesco. Whoops.

I think I just want to do something. Everything is interesting, everything is exciting. I just bloody hope my legs can keep up with my brain!

Constanze :)

P.s Weird mark on neck has almost gone. Or moved. Maybe it's a little ant living under my skin. I thought that only happened in deserts!

P.p.s My left eye is also swollen as fuck (half of the world's pus came out this morning, yum yum) and I can't work out if it's because I've just had another one of my inner eye huge eyeball what the fuck is wrong with you spots or if I've accidentally filled my eye with peroxide. I am a hazard to myself and others.

P.p.p.s I love In Flames so so so much.

P.p.p.p.s Don't let me forget to put a picture of my green hair up, it truely is amazing!