Rhinogoodnews

Good evening to you all on this wonderful January night. This is one of those posts in which I have so much to write that I can guarantee I'll forget about 50% of the stuff and whales and spoons and I'll also get tired before it ends and this and that and what and who and where and when and I'm tired now and I'm only on the second sentence. More ice lollies will keep me awake. More and more and more and I have sensitive teeth so the constant shock of Mr Freeze attacking my nerve endings will make this post amazing. Or at least bearable. We'll see.

Tuesday was see Dr Snowden day and lots and lots was discovered and shared and divulged. The big one was my CT scan which came back fine and clear and my mysterious liver has gone back to normal and there's nothing at all in my abdomen that shouldn't be there other that that bit of sellotape I once swallowed but they didn't see that so it's ok. The mystery blood filled liver problem shall remain a mystery unless it flares up again, if it does get angry again then I get to go and see the liver doctors, but until that day me and me liver are living a life of lovely liver loveliness. They did however pick up on my broken rib from last year. That's right, BROKEN. FRACTURED. Not just a bit hairline cracked like silly old Imran told me, it was hardcore broken and so hardcore broken that you can still see I did it in to this very day. Which makes everything that bit more impressive, I didn't just crack a rib coughing, I FUCKING BROKE IT TO FUCKING TINY LITTLE FUCKING PIECES IN THE PALM OF MY RIBCAGE I TURNED IT INTO FUCKING DUST or something like that. I can now say I have broken a bone :D Congratulations me. I would have a party but if I put the Safety Dance on then I'll end up getting overexcited and wandering off to start a conga line with the sheep in the next field. If there's a world record for unexciting ways to break something, I certainly bloody win.

The throat swabs came back with some boring rhinovirus (see above photo) on them which was pretty yawnsome as everyone gets them and they're the really boring most common cause of colds and yawn yawn yawn. Still, I've never had an confirmed rhinovirus before so I can at least tick it off my virus collection chart. They didn't take a chimerism last time I was there, I can't remember if I thought they did but no worries, it builds up the tension. The general thought of Snowden (King Haemotology Doctor Almighty) is that I won't need any more rounds of lymphocytes and I'm pretty much done as far as cancer treatment is concerned. Just see what that bone marrow says in a fortnight and see if my next chimerism is still 98ish and that's pretty much me done. Maybe in a few years they'll try taking me off the dasatinib (The drug that inhibits my dodgy chromosome) but that's a few years down the line. It's so difficult to explain and it's so complicated is the problem. I'm cured, cured as I'll ever be really but I'm not completely cured. 98% is pretty much cured and some people's never go up to 100 but it doesn't really matter as long as it's above the 97 mark even though it can go down but it doesn't do that really often. So I kind of want to go, yeah, I'm cured now but deep down I know that's sort of a lie even though it isn't because this is probably the most cured I'll ever be but if the most cured I'll ever be is very very almost cured then that makes it sound like some awful terminal illness which it isn't because I'm cured but I'm not. If it goes up to 100% and they can take me off the dasatinib without the chromosome coming back then I will be completely cured but that might not be for years but I'm as good as cured now. I don't know, it's very very complicated and I really don't know what to say. All I can say is that it's the beginning of the end of this whole cancer malarkey (probably, as you all know cancer can be a somewhat unpredictable thing, with a 50% chance of relapse it might just be the end of the beginning, haha. But no, I jest, this is the beginning of the end of the first round where knows how many rounds there will be) and that is pretty damn good I'd say.

The only problem now is that I actually have to start thinking about life after having cancer which is quite a thought. To go from having pretty much every door shut to pretty much every door open is quite a jump and it's daunting but also exciting and fun and HOLY CRAP I ACTUALLY HAVE TO ENTER THE REAL WORLD. Spending so much time in the overly sanitised walls of the Royal Hallamshire hospital completely brainwashes you to thinking the world ends at the A floor outpatients double doors. I can GO BACK TO SMELLY OLD OXFORD UNIVERSITY or GET A JOB or ROB A BANK or HECKLE SOME SOUP or DO THE WHOLE DANCE ROUTINE TO WORD UP WITHOUT FEAR OF HOSPITALISATION. Well, actually, most of those were lies because I am still pretty ill, being cured but not cured doesn't mean you just spring back into the same condition you were in three years ago just before cancer bit you on the bum. I'm still the supertired doddery wobbly ont legs where's me thyroid granny impersonator you've all come to know but hopefully some of these things will get better with time. Or maybe they won't and I can just go around bashing criminals with my handbag. Speaking of bashing criminals, today I had to tell a random man off for leaving his dog tied to a bin for well over half an hour to do some shopping, the poor dog was really upset and running around in circles and barking constantly. Not that he gave a shit. Fucking morons, you don't just leave a timid dog in a busy street to let it get stressed. But anyway. There is a world, a big wide world waiting for Constanze to attack.

Attacking with what though I'm not quite sure. I've always kind of coasted on my insanity (remember this is the girl who got into Oxford University by submitting a personal statement that said one of my main hobbies was trying to dress like the love child of Adam Ant and Pete Burns, true story) and apparently nowadays people prefer you to have more than one cancer and a third of a physics degree under your belt. I do have my five meter swimming badge though, that's a real deal sealer, not to mention that third prize in an art competition when I was 7. And I definitely think the world gives advantage to people who can stay awake for more than a couple of hours and don't need sit downs after walking up seven stairs and don't tend to regurgitate things everywhere. Hahaha, I am ridiculous and everything is silly and my back hurts in a really weird place. I'm not even sure it hurts in a place that's attached to my body. Oh dear.

I should be off now because my stomach is being somewhat annoying because I gave it too many frozen e numbers and Spanish produce. And I'm also tired and sleepy and have a whole world to take over with one walking stick and a mini portable toolkit that I got for Christmas.

Night night night night night!!!

Constanzistanzistanzistanzistan :) xXxXxXx

P.s Here's a picture of me with a rack of ribs, a steak, onion rings, mash and salad for your enjoyment. FOOD!!!!