Take a look at my germfriend

So, it's phlegm central inside the cuerpo of Constanze. Just a giant liver rolling around lubricated by buckets and buckets of snot and mucus and disgusting bodily fluids. I have successfully coughed my innards onto a variety of household objects, I doubt you want to know but let's just say my mug of tea is not the sea of sanctity and cleanliness it used to be. I do try and contain my mucus, but my frail old cancer hands just aren't as nimble as the epic coughs that sneak up on me like a stalking tiger. Hidden tiger, crouching bacteria. But anyway, less of that, I have more exciting ailments that a supercold!

Actually, I'm not sure I do. It's the same old story as my blog post. Just me, the giant liver and the giant cold. My liver however is feeling much better and I can now wander around in a state of almost normalness, aside from the slight tilt to the right lest I annoy it further. On sec, more phlegm is rattling. Will it come out? Won't it? IT IS A MYSTERY TO ME DEEP WITHIN THE FLESH. DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH. Not today folks, that bit's staying in my lungs, and I don't blame him, it's a jolly chilly day.

Haha, it's funny, someone just reminded me of what a cold was like before I was ill. Normal people get a cold and have a lemsip. Constanze gets a cold and she has to go to hospital and get swabbed and swabbed and swabbed and viral swab and bacterial swab and swab my swabbing swab swab swab. If they can swab it they'll swab it and if they can't they'll swab it anyway. Oh my god Constanze you have a pencil we'd better swab it, look at that ear lobe we need to swab that too can we borrow your front door we'd like to have a good swab at it swab swab swab swab swab. I don't mind the swabbing, but if I had a penny for every time someone swabbed me I'd have that ice cream van and desert of my dreams. Swab my swab bitch.

I think I've had too many pez. I need to put some clothes on at some point as I'm going out. I shouldn't be going out. I am in hospital all of tomorow morning for day ward and all of tomorow afternoon for ct scanning and then all evening for the young people cancer party. I seem to be my illest whenever I have anything important to do. And before you say anything, going out for pizza this evening is VERY IMPORTANT. It's very important that I go to busy places to collect MORE germs and get MORE viruses and COMPLETE MY GERM COLLECTION. It's all about the balance with cancer. Obtaining food is more important than preserving health. Because without food there would be no health. FUCK ME I am so philosophical.

I am going now to get a new brew without any added mucus. Happy times! Then fill in another one of those forms that asks me about my ailments and I run out of room on every box. Perhaps I'll include a sexy mucus sample to prove my ability to catch EVERY VIRUS IN THE WORLD. Ho ho ho :)

Constanze :)

xXxXx

P.s It's nearly Christmas. It's nearly 2012. Where the hell did 2011 go? I have literally achieved nothing medical for a whole year. My chimerism has gone up by like two per cent. I got put on thyroxin tablets. WHAT ELSE HAPPENED?

P.p.s I just got snot on the letter p on my keyboard. Is this a sign from the cancer gods?

P.p.p.s If they find out I have liver cancer or something else horrific what the hell am I going to call this blog? Yes, I always get my worry priorities right. I am not worried about the cancer, just about having to tell everyone I am the proud writer of Constanze's Sexy Oops-I-Got-Leukaemia-Then-Liver-Cancer Blog. Sounds silly much?