Oh baby please give a little cancer to meeeeeee

Afternoon/Evening my dears and darlings and dementeds. It's afternoon as I start this but I get the feeling that by the time I've finished it'll be at least next Tuesday evening. So many things to ramble, so little time!

I haven't actually been to hospital since my last post because I accidentally blagged my way out of hospital for a whole 18 days! There has been many other medical based things happening though for your delicious cancery delectation, the main one me being FILMED TALKING FOR THE CANCER DVD THING. Words cannot describe how bad I am at talking when I have to. I talk so much shit on here then the second a camera is rolling I turn into a gibbering wreck. I chose to do my part in the Sheffield art galleries where I often stop off to and from hospital to talk to the paintings like a cool person. Lots of questions about having cancer and all that jazz. Somewhere between now and Christmas I will be able to link you to videos of my linguistic leukaemia disaster. Well, maybe not a disaster, but I'm certainly not destined for TV. Or indeed anything with sentences, which kind of contradicts what I'm doing but OH WELL SSH NOW CONSTANZE TO THE POINTY POINT.


I scared the people who worked in the gallery shop, they asked what we were filming and I panicked and shouted "I HAVE CANCER IT'S ABOUT CANCER I AM BORING I LIKE ART GALLERIES" for no real reason really and then very briskly hobbled off. The guy filming it wanted some shots of me walking around and I warned him that I walk in a zig zag and look drunk and I don't think he believed me until me filmed me walking like it was 2AM outside Escapade. He seemed positively impressed. I still don't understand why I'm helping with a life after cancer DVD but I guess I have a pretty good imagination? Anyway, as soon as I can I'll let you see the finished films. There's one bit for the DVD and there's another for the jimmyteens website. Which Jimmy Carr is also on somewhere, so hopefully he'll see my film then want to marry me. A girl can dream, ok?



I also had a good old chat with two of my tutors at Oxford (one of whom has just had cancer, hurray for the cancer club) and it reminded me of all that physics I used to do (yay for physics) and I'm really glad I didn't go back to uni this year, I think it would have been the death of me. We went to the new Biocaff (That's right, the biology department have their own cafe, lucky so and sos) and it was very nice, I had a cup of tea. I really have been ill for quite a long while, I'm 21! I went to university in a different DECADE. I wish I had some kind of idea of what my body's going to do, general life planning needs to be done. I have been pondering becoming a doctor, but if I don't live all that long then that would be a silly idea because I'd also like to do some living, and also I only have until I'm 28 to have kids but then should I even have kids because I'll probably get this again and I'm 21 I shouldn't have to think about all these terribly serious things! I actually don't much care what happens in my life as long as it's cool and I get married in the Hallamshire hospital chapel. And go to the Ukraine. In fact, I might have to make a list.


Things I'd quite like to fit into my life before cancer eats me or I get hit by a bus by Constanze Dennis age 21 and a bit-


1. See Yalta

2. Marry Jimmy Carr in the Hallamshire chapel

3. Have sex in an MRI scanner (not while it's on, that would be a bit weird. Or maybe it wouldn't, I don't know)

4. Eat more cheese than my head weighs in one sitting


I think that's about it. I'll let you know how the list goes, although I'm not sure if I want to complete it because surely if I do then it's all downhill from there? I should probably have a long list of hopes and desires but to be quite honest I think I've done most of the things I'd like to do and achieved all the things I'd like to achieve. I've been mistaken for Beyonce and I did a lot of physics and I've become very content with everything.  Anyway I'm not sure why I'm talking about this AGAIN, it sounds like one of those awful speeches people read out at funerals. I'm not dead before you start worrying! 100% alive. Well, I guess my throid isn't doing all that much, neither are my ovaries, but I'm at least 85% and that's good enough for me :D


I also agreed to take part in a filmed debate (I nearly forgot about this) sometime at the start of November. There theme is "Sex, Drugs and Rock N Roll", subjects in which I am obviously an expert. When you think of sex you think of me. It's ever since I said "Never fall asleep during sex, it never ends well" when we were brainstorming for the DVD, I seem to have got this reputation for having no shame. Which I don't, but I'm also a bit of a prude which will make for an interesting mix. YEAH BONDAGE WOO OH MY A NIPPLE HOW SHOCKING. I'm not even supposed to have a sex drive now I've been through the menopause. And yet, like a man, I think about sex approx every seven seconds. Perhaps I shouldn't say that in the debate. Or indeed in this post?



I would also also also really really really like the ultrasound that is happening in nine days to happen sooner. I am definitely not counting down but I really want to know what the bloodyhell my stomach is doing. Maybe if I swallow a note with instructions of how to digest things?


And I say all this dressed as a skeleton. I know it's not Halloween yet but who cares? Halloween is a lifestyle, not an event. With scars like mine I don't even need an outfit! The zombie apocalypse already happened on my decolletage.


Lie down time. I'm fairly sure the cherryade lolly I just ate hasn't helped my stomach to be happy and I am also tired from all the typing and singing along to songs I don't even want to tell you about or you'll be as disgusted as when I showed a man on the bus a cup of vomit I'd made. Or as stomach is already hurting perhaps I should eat more sweets because it can't hurt anymore than it already does and sugar makes everything better? But then if I have more sugar I'll want to dance around and if I do that I'll make a sick tornado and I'm not convinced that would increase the decor on the landing. That reminds me of that stain I made down the wall near the 120 bus stop opposite the interchange, that vomit stain took WEEKS to go. I wonder if it's still there now. Day trip anyone?



Constanleyknife.


xXxXxXxXxXx


P.s I am very disappointed to report that York hospital is nowhere near the centre of town so I might not be able to have a photo of me outside for my hospital spotting collection. Sadness.

P.s I'm not crazy because I take the right pills every day. I love how all these songs are supposed to sound all rebellious but when I listen to them it's just all about sexy hospitals :)