Come on baby tell me what’s the word? Canc-Up

Hello hello hello. I have learnt so much about myself today, and all from a silly letter from the benefit people. You should see that chat about Constanze that happenes behind closed doors, they just luuurve talking about my knees. I bet you never knew all this gossip about me-

"The patient is shown to have the mental and physical capacity to wash the front of their torso"

Oh yeah. I fucking rule at washing my torso.

"You are unable or virtually unable to walk"

Gee, thanks for reminding me. It's like the no shit Sherlock brigade is following me.

"The patient is mentally sound"

Erm. I am? Good lord, if I'm mentally sound god help the crazy ones. I am quite proud of myself actually, I think this might be the first time I've managed to convince someone I am not likely to kidnap a badger.

I could give you some more highlights from my medical assessmentness but it's really quite boring and repetitive. I'm not sure you want to know what parts of my body they've deemed broken and/or washable. The basic decision is that having cancer definitely means I'm ill.

I have also come to believe that men seem to think the word 'infertile' is a challenge. I tell some males that I'm infertile and I swear that they immediately think that I may be infertile to other men but their sperm is super sperm and they could easily make me pregnant. It even gets to the point where they seem offended that they couldn't make me pregnant, no matter how hard they tried, like I'm insulting their manhood by so much as beginning to imply that they're not up to the challenge of knocking me up. Sigh.

Hospital on Wednesday, where there will be drugs to send me to the land of the faries and the heavens and the WRVS cafe for some sugar to bring me down to glorious earth.

Constanzistan.

xXx