Haemophilla or paedophillia?

Hello hello. This post will either be extremely long or extremely delayed... I am tired and I will fall asleep. I could however fall asleep on the keyboard or not on the keyboard. If I fall asleep on the keyboard you'll get 10000 random letters (you know, gfhfhjsdjkdfjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdsjdskjdffdsfsdfds sdffsdfddjdsjdsjdjd sjsdddddddddddddddddddddddfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffsj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjsssss and stuff where my nose and nightmares do the typing for me) and if I fall asleep in my mug of tea you'll get a blog post in a week after visiting A&E/the burns unit. We'll see...

But anyway, I shall type what I can before I enevitably enter the land of sleep in some unflattering position (today I nodded off in the pharmacy and when someone woke me up I was at a 45 degree angle with my mouth open and slobber down the wall... Beautiful) and all will be good. Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll willlllllllllllllllllllllllllllll beeeeeeeeeeeee good.

So, I went to London. I had infinite fun, as you can see above I found the map of my dreams (just one letter away from the man of my dreams, haha) and generally did many things the hospital need never know about (Yusef asked if I'd been up to much, I said I'd been to my best friend's 21st, he said he wouldn't ask and did a coy grin). I managed to get a cheap first class train ticket going and made a whole coach of posh people laugh when the food trolley man asked my what I wanted... I replied "whatever's free". Ever the scrounger me :D The other thing I discovered is that I'm pretty sure the hospital is following me... I'd got on the train, plonked myself down in my lovely reserved seat and within minutes it became apparent that I was sat next to three of the Hallamshires main managers... So, for two hours solid I got to listen to all the news, stats and gossip from hospital. How do I manage it? Just coincidence or have they been hacking my emails and booking seats next to me to make sure I'm not misbehaving? Eep.

It all went very well in London until my legs got angry. I walked a fair distance (well, a fair distance on my scale, to the pub and back and here and there a bit) and just as I was wandering to London Bridge tube station my legs gave up, buckled and I fell over in a puddle. Cue bleeding and pain. On the plus side though my body has got it's revenge for all my silly running around. As I looked around to see how many people were sniggering at the girl in the crazy green rain mac on the floor in a puddle I realised I had fallen down outside the front door of Guy's Hospital... One of the biggest hospitals in the country and the tallest in the world. Is this yet another hint from the world/the Hallamshire? A HA HA HA YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE CONSTANZE HA HA HA HA NEVERRRRRRR HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I continued on though, dragging on leg behind me. There's no way I'd betray the Hallamshire and be treated in another hospital.

Then today I hobbled into hospital and bumped into Aileen while buying myself a cuppa soup. Trying to hold a conversation while selecting soup is extremely difficult it turns out... Then upstairs to Yusef who is off on holiday to... Wales. And there I was expecting a really glamorous location. I advised him to take tent pegs (because we all remember my lovely 'holiday' last year when one of us had to sit in the tent at all times or it blew away). He looked confused. I was lucky to even see him at all, he popped his head around the ward wall and there I was, soup and sandwiched to the max with a needle in my arm, "When you've finished meet me in my room" were his words, so I wandered over to his room when I was needle free and Yusef there was not. Confused, I returned to the ward. Confused, Yusef came to the ward and asked where I was. Apparently I'd been too fast and beaten him to his room and already left by the time he arrived. I am just too eager about this cancer malarkey.

In pharmacy I realised how much I confuse haemophillia and paedophillia. I think I have accidentally admitted to being a bit paedophillic more than once. Just to clarify, I am firmly on the side of haemophillia and not paedophillia. It is also important to not confuse the words haemophilliac and haemophile. One is someone who can't stop bleeding and one it someone who gets somewhat aroused from blood.

There was also a killer moment when it dawned on me that yet another thing has been added to my week. I have had to make a doctor's appointment for 10AM tomorow. Which means no extra sleep... No no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooo.

Doctors tomorow and hospital on Chews-Day. Now though, away I vanish for washing and sleeping. Lots of both, although not at the same time because I have nearly drowned myself on multiple occasions falling asleep in the bath... The problem is that I sleep on face down. Which is stupid before you even add water!

Stanley Knife.

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