Bus Breaking Bum

Evening ladies and gentlemen.

What a week. I'd love to tell you about it but I'm not entirely sure what order it happened in and if it even happened or if this is all a big dream with me waking up holding onto some driftwood in the sea and the wind fish is floating away with the clouds... I think my fat bum broke a bus. Not 100% sure, but I got on a bus and it exploded (the bus, not my bum). Had to sit there for over an hour while the back of the bus sort of simmered and the smell of burning wafted around like the smell of perfume in a harem. My day was made when I got a lift home in a Stagecoach repair van. So close to so many engine parts... I love engine parts...

That all happened on the same day I tried to go to an antique fair but someone vandalised my train so they sent a back to front train instead and WTF MY LIFE IS STUPID. Kind of forgot the NEC is less National Exhibition Centre and more National Exhibition CITY HOLY CRAP fighter jets just flew over my house I thought the bloody roof had caved in and crap crap crap I am too tired to be writing this. Can't believe how lovely and fat my arse is. I fucking broke a bus, that's the pay for all my cheese eating efforts. It's a hard life sitting around eating brie. ///cancer rules///

My knees are completely fucked. I am very tempted at the minute to cut them off (that would also help with the new research that says the taller you are the more likely you are to have cancer) and perhaps replace them with chopsticks or spring onions. Can't wait for all the news at hospital on Tuesday. News news news. Liver? Thyroid? Bone marrow? I'd be happy with 2/3. 66% is a C grade in being healthy, as long as I'm average or above all ist gut.

Tomorow I meet those producers about that life-after-cancer DVD. In this state life after cancer looks pretty horrific, I must admit. My legs keep shaking ansh Post