How To Spend Your (Form)ative Years

Good evening folks.

Today has been another one of those strange days. I've been dancing around, waving my arms like your heart's valves on an untrasound, but to be quite honest my brain has been somewhere else. I've been filling in the silly benefit forms that ask such silly questions as "Are you going to live six months" and "Can you lift a box" and "Can you work without upsetting other people". I wasn't sure what to put for the last one, I mean, I love upsetting people, especially ones called Richard Sillett. And then they expect me to summarise my two year long illness/several kilos of medical notes into a 15x10 cm box... Erm. Right. I was almost tempted to just draw a picture of myself asleep, occasionally sleep coughing phlegm into my cleavage to get the whole "I'm rather ill for god's sake" message across.

I'm not sure if my form ended up being very impressive or very depressive in the end. Having to regurgitate all my illnesses and ailments is a little sad, remembering I'm a 20 year old stuck in the body of an 80 year old. Then again, my list of poorlies is pretty impressive. "Please tell us about your illness and any problems it causes you"... Well, my friend, that would be AML, for which I have had chemothrapy, total body iradiation (yeah, that's right, my WHOLE body, not just one organ like thses other wimpy cancer patients), stem cell transplant, eye trouble (tv vision and swollen optic nerves caused by high pressure in brain and spine, not to mention the confused eye ducts and oversized eyes), sleeping thyroid, infertility, been through the menopause, can't walk very well, knee, back, neck and foot pain, constant tiredness, constant infections, sleeping spleen, can't eat properly, lost all my tastebuds and hair, graft-versus-host disease, rashes, they keep drilling into my bones, I live in the Royal Hallamshire Hospital... Ok, bored now, too many ailments to fit in the box. Really I should have listed what does work. Hello, my name's Constanze, my heart is fine but the rest is buggered. Oh dear.

I've also been a bit grumpy today about all the fun everyone else is having. Everyone's jetting off on fun holidays and I'm confined to Derbyshire and it's a bit rubbish really. I want to rave it up in the Crimea like all the Russian Tsars. I might have to 'accidentally' get on a plane. I mistook it for a bus I'll say. Mistook it for a magical whale. Thought it was Howl's Moving Castle. This plan is flawed. To be fair, most of my plans are. My main aim in life is to educate the world on the fact that you can be superill and superhappy which isn't much of a career plan. I can be like jesus, but with a message that's actually useful. Yeah. That's how all the great dictators start, comparing themselves to great prophets :S :D :S

Surprise hospital visit on Monday. I phoned them up to ask about something else and they were like see you on Monday and I was like what on earth and they were like you're coming into day ward on Monday you silly billy and I was like am I no one told me and they were like lol jks we thought we wouldn't tell you and make you guess and I was like bad plan and they were like you're still coming in and I was like alright then hospital's pretty cool I guess. The conversation was actually nothing like that, the same things were said but with a lot less gangsta speak.

I think I need to shut up now. I need more food (crappy throid+HRT=my bum is growing by the day :D :D :D). I have eaten all my crisps and now I am on the chilli cheese and chilli sauce and soon it will be salami. Why do women like chocolate so much when cheese and meat are OBVIOUSLY BETTER.

Con-Stan-Wish-I-Could-Get-Out-More-Ze xXxxxXxxxXx

P.s Didn't get any Olympic tickets. Should definitely have used cancer in my favour. WHY DO I NEVER MILK THIS ILLNESS DAMNIT??!!??