Constanze- A right porker

The news on the street is that I am now officially as fat as before I was ill. :D :D :D In fact, fuck that, no amount of chuffed faces can express my glee at this. My arse is fat and glorious once again! Weighed myself, I was 10 stone 8. Happy happy days. I've been from fat bottomed to scraggy as fuck and right back up again. I'd better stop putting weight on now or I'm going to end up a right little piglet. Bloody HRT, I can just see it doing its job too well and me ending up having to be moved around with a crane...

... Nah. I'd ever be fat. Being fat through choice is as bad as smoking. I'll just have to live off lettuce, which isn't actually a bad thing because I fucking love lettuce. I was born somewhat fortunate in the fact that I crave healthy food naturally. I fucking love vegtables. I'd quite happily marry a papaya.

The only thing that isn't good in all this is my new absolutely massive knockers. I guess I'll grow used to them in time, but seriously, all my fat seems to have gone straight to my chest. How am I going to make flat chested jokes about myself if I have flesh bursting out of my a cups? They're just relentlessly growing, like a stupid NHS related idea in David Cameron's head. There has been a double in size, definitely. I mean, it might not seem like much to you, going from being able to keep the contents of one's handbag in one's bra due to the amount of space where boobs should be to actually having to find a handbag to put your things in because now oh my god there's some bazookas there is quite a step.

Farewell for now...

...Constanze Tit-A-Lot. My, this blog really has started living up to its sexy title, there's more tits here than in FHM and the House of Commons put together!

P.s Sorry for all the swearing again. It's all these fat cells, they're a bad influence.

P.p.s Another apology for the picture I've used to illustrate my new look. It was the only non x rated picture that came up when I typed 'massive boob cartoon' into google images. I should really think before I type. Although, I must point out that she has the same lenght hair as me.

P.p.p.s POSTCARDY PEOPLE :D