I'm only happy when it rains.

(This owl is like me, streching my bones, listening to them all crack in unison, perching on my windowsill looking out into the night and pondering my next meal...)

You keep me running round and round. Well, that's ok with me. Up and down, I'm up the wall, I'm up the cancer tree.

So, for about the first time in 500 nights, I can't sleep. It's one of those pensive nights where your brain just won't shut down with some plethora of brain waves and confusion. I don't know, scenes and stills from life and film alike keep playing like repeats of 80s crime dramas... I'm in overtired, that's where I am... The consequence of enjoyment is this. A few hours awake means a few years asleep. There's nothing that drives a mind more mad than somnolence... I fall asleep, I wake up asleep...

Imagine you're watching one of those patchy black and white film reels. The ones where half the scenes are missing and moths ate the ending. You're moving the frames by hand, and when you go to sleep you stop for days. There's just this image of yesterday, me talking to that girl who'd just had heart surgery, the illness high five on a train, then, it all blurs and goes out of focus...

Now I can finally see an end to this chapter in the epic that is Constanze's life, there's a maelstrom of ideas brewing. It's all a battle of brain versus body at the minute. I suppose it always has been. A hare stuck in a tortoise. Now the hare's on speed.

As far as I'm concerned this is all a dream. As far as my brain knows this is like Link's Awakening. As far as I know, this is. After this peculiar and outstanding adventure, I'll wake up, asleep in the sea. In the port at Gdansk, holding onto some driftwood.

Perhaps you've got the idea now of the world that only tiredness can send you to. Only anaemia can bring you joys like this. People pay good money for therapy and drugs that get you a mindset like this. Mine comes free with the blood tests.

...I am super snowed in. There's still foot upon foot outside. Arm upon arm. Hopefully I'll be able to get to hospital on Tuesday, the GVH rash is starting to make me look a little like a lobster. Well, the head and neck of a lobster stuck on a human's body. Actually, I think that makes me sound even more disturbing.

It's cheese time. And we all know how that helps nightmares.

Why am I up the tree, you say? Why are you down there, I say?

xXxXx