Friday, 26 November 2010

And the best of your days will vanish in the haze when you're on drugs....

So, cancer.

Yeah. You're probably getting the idea now that all my illnessy stuff is getting a bit boring and repetitive. I mean, it's pretty simple recipe this dodgy blood business (Add many hours of sleep to a bowl of needle noodles. Dissolve 4000 tablets into 250ml of build up shake and stir in slowly. Flambe with Newky Brown and shove in a radiotherapy machine and leave to bake for 18 months. Add delicious ovary eggs to garnish...) and I'm running out of news to tell you without sounding like a broken record baby, right round round round. Ack, aieee.

I suppose you could hear some more of my pinapple related woes. As many of you might know, I am allergic to pinapples, but still eat them because I love their delicious taste. I do not approve of biology stopping me from my favorite bromeliad fruit. Anyway, I ate a small piece of the stuff around 48 hours ago and my tongue has been the epicentre of anger ever since... I really don't help myself, do I? But come on, if Eve couldn't resist the forbidden fruit, how can anyone expect me to do any better? It feels sort of like my tongue is full of little creatures and monsters all trying to burst out. It'll get better soon. I hope. Mainly because I want more pinapple...

My stomach is also fuelling rumours that I'm pregnant. I have the approximate shape of a balloon stuck to a pencil, and I don't feel much better. Whenever I eat anything, any shape, any size, my stomach just inflates and I end up looking all knocked up. Which isn't, if I'm honest, the sexiest look. But still, I suppose it's better then when I had green goo streaming out of my boob... Goob. I forget that rule about the internet, the 'everything's been done in porn already one'. Damnit.

Aiosfjsfofiggdfdfdf. Yeah, yeah yeah. I would really like to know if my heart still works. Hospital is being Slowy McSlow, anyone got an echocardiogram lying around?

I haven't got to go to hospital for the next 11 days, so this is obviously an ideal time to have some sexy fun. There will be more on that in the next post, if you can possibly contain yourselves for that long...

Constanzoid is going naaaa. Tis luncheon toimeeeeeeeeeeeee. German peppered salami and cheese made from a goat for me. The packet says "Chevre Goat's Log" which really worries and un-nerves my faecal matter alarm...

Laters gaters, whiles crocodiles,
Constanze.

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II

P.s Madness is here in Derbyshire. It's in the water, quite literally. Ours came out the taps looking like milk for half of last week. Every morning I say hello to two dead fish that appeared on a wall the other day. (He swears he tried to talk to me). A horse asked my mum to take a prescription to the doctors. I got a text thanking me for visiting Jimmy in Australia. Wrestle with Jimmy. Over and out.

P.p.s I could really do with some circulation. So, again, if anyone's got any spare, you know where I am.
Created by the evil genius of upon the hour of

1 comment:

  1. Master Dominic R Orme Esq.26 November 2010 at 12:42

    I do indeed, have a thought.
    I get the same thing when eating pineapple, the whole tingly tongue thing! Does that mean I'm allergic? Or perhaps, maybe you're not allergic. *shock*
    Well, ok, I see how talking about Cancer all the time might get a little repetitive, after all those stars have been there for eons and that's just come up with a squiggly line to tell me I got the word eons wrong. It's done it again. Eons is a word dammit. As is ions, but they're something entirely different. I've had a lot of coffee...

    Well, you could talk about your stamp collecting and selling and the like. Or... well, educate. This would give you something to talk about, and you'd feel all wise and knowing and you'd have something to write about.

    There was a lecture at the university of sussex recently, just the one, budget cuts and all. It was on neutrinos. The lecturer was awesome, amazing, a... something else starting with 'a' meaning 'good'. Starting the lecture of with a slide showing "What's v". That's 'nu' for those not in the know. For some reason I wasn't allowed to actually type v because it just comes out as v. *sigh*

    Right, got lots of work, loads, masses.

    Dom
    xx

    ReplyDelete

Aha! You have a thought!

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