Want a snog off a corn ont' cob?

Greetings to you from the wonderfully sweetcorny scented Constanze. I will warn you now, this post will be long. And I mean long. Today was long. It was like several days that had been sat on by a whale and made into one, as if by blubbery magic...

Since we last spoke I've had appointments and fun times galore, living the life of a cancer rock star. There have been two trips to the hospital regarding my eyes, which brought good news in the form of I NEVER HAVE TO GO TO THE EYE CLINIC AGAIN. Woo woo. They're happy that my eyes can see and stuff and although my optic nerves are a bit on the large side there's nothing that can be done so they thought they might as well get rid of me. It was a bit sad, the eye dept is home to many of my favorite doctors, although I was horrified to find out that one of them went to Magdalene College Cambridge! What's wrong with him?!? Magdalen College Oxford is where it's at. Did Oscar Wilde go to Cambridge? I think not.

Somewhere inbetween these appoinements I managed to slot in a little trip to London. The highlight was at Malaysia Night 2010, where a little girl mistook me for an attraction. :S Clearly the green hair working its magic again. One photo taken by her mother later, I was eating delicious Malaysian food, but not before nearly falling into a fountain because my muscles have forgotten how to control my limbs. There was also a trip to the biggest stamp shop in the world, a lot of embarassment for my friend Joe as I insisted upon reciting the whole of the Charles II song in front of his picture in the National Portrait Gallery, not to mention the purchasing of a brand new furry bowy winter coat in Camden with the sexy Eleanor.

And then came today. It begun at 6.30, or there abouts, I am unable to work a clock before 10AM. The medicar came, and after a series of confusing and rather silly events, it ended up taking as long to get to hospital as it took me to get to London at the weekend... ??????????????????????????????????????????? Insert your own exciting story, something to do with bears and polar sheep and polaroids and parrakeets and policemen and Polish border guards and spag bol and rebellious catfish and stray Germans and the like, because the real story aint interesting at all. It just turns out that Stavely is a right labyrinth, like a maze, but mazier. I got to the hospital about ten, having fought several wars with street signs and deaf men...

The problem was, there was no one about to treat me until one. Not that I was complaining, I did all my post while waiting. Result. I also caught sight of prime Constanze-Avoider Nick, and told him off severely for not giving me enough dieticiany attention. He tried to work his way back into the good books, and try as I might, who could stay (sarcastically) angry at such a madman. He tried to explain the Higg's boson to me, bless. The excellent news was also brought by him that I HAVE GAINED A WHOLE KILO YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I AM THE WINNER OF EUROVISION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look at my fat go. It is winning. And so forth.

Next came the bone marrow. The new doctor I told you about who failed to make a good first impression did it. And, I take back everything I said, he was truely fantastic, he's right cool! Good marks for the bone marrow too. There's kinda two methods it seems among doctors for the old drill a needle into your hip bone procedure. Some do it more slowly and it hurts a little less, and some ram the needle in and out as fast as they can, which obviously hurts more, but there's less time being in pain. He was the latter. I managed to draw blood biting me finger to stop me swearing loudly during it. I am currently spurting blood out of so many new orofices that it's completely unreasonable...

Then I saw Yusef, God of all he sees and surveys. He said hello. I felt priviledged.

In went a canula, and through that canula went another dose of lymphocytes. Then the smelling of sweetcorn began. I swear to god no one believes me when I saw that. it is a genuine side effect, damnit! It really didn't make my nebuliser any more pleasant, as if the gas isn't itchy and coughy and horrible enough without it making me associate the smell of delicious sweetcorn with bad times...

Sometime after this Andy, the almost defintely "six-foot, six-packed muscle machine with a dashing full head of hair" appeared and we had a little catch up. I saw some of the other P floor nurses too, and showed off my new curls. Mmm, delicious curls. It was about now that the effects of all the day's drugs set in, and I started shaking like the San Andreas Fault. An elderly lady asked me if I was cold... Haha, I wish...

I write this to you from the safety of home. No one can shove massive needles in me here, ha ha! Another win for Constanze the Great!

My right bum cheek kills. He hit a nerve bone marrowing and now I have to balance on one cheek...

Back in next Tuesday. No rest for the wicked.

Laterz.

xXxXxXx

P.s I have been for a wee about 500 times today. I have no idea why.

P.p.s Talk about... Pop Musik.

P.p.p.s Keep voting. I see you. WITH MY EYES.