Camping- Cancer Style...

So, I returneth. From the lonely land of dragons and hills and sheep and many adventures had by her and her comrades Rich and Adam. I can honestly say that although it was the most fun imaginable, I am knackered and need a holiday to get over my holiday. Here's a most wonderful account of how to go on the least appropriate holiday for your illness ever... :D

All runs smoothly to begin with. I get a seat on the train, which makes my little cancerlegs very happy indeed. For the first time in human history, Richard and Adam pick me up from Cheltenham on time. Go to supermarket, buy infinite meat and cheese, drive relatively smoothly to our delicious campsite in the old Brecon Beacons. Begin to erect tent when...

... They've forgotten the tent pegs. Wales is very windy. One of us must sit in the tent at all times or it will blow away. Problem solved a couple of hours later when I finally convince those two it's not my fault, as the only things I asked them to bring was a torch and a tent, and they forgot the torch, and forgot the pegs. Borrowed pegs save the day... Until...

...Richard locks the car keys in the car boot. Boys have to spend a night without their stuff as it is locked in the car, but Cunningstanze had already moved her stuff out. AA are phoned in the morning. They inflate the car door and use a massive stick to open said boot... Keys returned... Holiday continues until...

... We are driving down a road quite fast and one of Rich's windscreen wipers just flies off for no reason. Obviously, it's absolutely pouring it down, and I'm too ill and painy to help look, so off goes Rich. I can't remember Adam's excuse. Not his car, maybe?...

...Get on train home. Sit on the floor in a baggage compartment and make fort. Obtain someone else's baby. Interesting story, that. This stranger lady with a pram and a toddler decided the girl with green hair sat in a luggage compartment was the best person to look after her baby for half an hour because there were no seats. See, I look trustworthy. And her toddler was proper impressed by me- "You have ORANGE HAIR!!!", and I was all like, "NOT QUITE", and she was all like "GREEN!" and so on. You can imagine the deranged conversation we had...

And somewhere inbetween all that I went down a coal mine in a wheelchair, Adam pushed me and we did lots of wheelies on the old cart lines. Safety first, kids. I got very excited seeing all that coal, then felt very clever in the museum, as I could name everything from ten metres because I'm SO GOOD AT GEOLOGY. Mmm, rocks.

We also went to a town with the most bookshops per town in the world or England or something. This was a very bad idea. I bought more books than I can lift, and subsequently had to sit on one side of the town, with me pile of books, while Rich went back to the car to drive it to me because my legs had packed in with the weight of eleven new tomes. My sexy new books are-

The Modern Physicians Handbook- It was modern when it was published in about 1900.
A HUGE 80's book about India with lots of cool pictures.
A book about some scary men motorbiking across Russia.
My personal favorite- British Museum Bulletin Geology 1971.
Some short stories in Russian.
Exploring the planets- To laugh at the ideas they got wrong.
A short history of weighing.
Politics in industrial society.
A sort of travel guide come culture book about Israel written by an Israeli.
The Chinese Secret service...
And some more Russian literature.

I feel that this list proves I need to get out more. I nearly cried when I found a shop selling nothing but antique maps, and when Adam said I couldn't spend 500 quid on an illustrated history of pidgeons. But, all in all, a two night sexy camping mini-break I shall never forget. And, having seen Three Cocks, it'd be hard not to.

So, yes, my general travel advice is that if you have cancer and can't walk all too well, don't go camping in the hilliest place ever, unless you are under the expert care of Richard Sillett and Adam Woodall. My legs and back may be killing me now (And I mean killing- not to mention cracking...), but it was definitely worth it for all the fun things I saw in Wales.

And, to next week and the return of the dreaded MEDICAL TREATMENT. Tuesday is discuss your endoscopy day, then one day is discuss your menopause day. Maybe. Something like that. The fun I have...

Now I must go and battle with my stomach and try to remind him that food is good.

Bye for now.

And remember kids- 'Man Riding Can Kill'

xXXx

P.s Picture is a demonstration of me struggling with the Welsh countryside...