Putting fish in a kettle is cruel.*

I know what you're thinking. No posts for months, the then two in one week!?! What is this insanity? Has Constanze been smoking crack again? As morish as it is, (How I love thee, superhands...), no, I just seem to have plenty of both cancery things to tell you and time on my hands. Could be time spent with youuuuuuuuuuuuuu, rolling like thunder... Yes, I did just sing Elton John. I get cooler by the day.

So, the next challenge is up. I've managed to make cancer the sexiest disease around, but can I work the same magic on the menopause? Menopause. Bus pass. Grey hair. 19. Not a common foursome. Apologies gents, you won't enjoy the next few sentences. At the minute it's quite good because the only effect it's had on me is my periods stopping. NOT COMPLAINING. I am saving a good couple of quid a month on tampons. Which can all go towards my ice cream van and tickets to the desert. DESERT. There aren't many in Derbyshire. Turns out. I keep looking though. I suppose when I get hot flushes I could pretend I was in the desert. I can't believe I'm starting the menopause at 19. Surely that's some kind of record? Youngest Woman in Kelstedge to have a Menopause. I can add that to my trophy cabinet along with First Woman in Sheffield potentially the Whole of the North to Freeze her Eggs. Go me.

But, yeah. I read the wikipedia article and it scared me. And confused me. You will be pleased to know that all my sexy bits still work perfectly. Don't listen to the rumours. I think a menopause at 19 and a menopause at 45 are quite different. For a start I'm not an annoying middle aged woman. I HATE MIDDLE AGED WOMEN. I won't be using the menopause to excuse my mental and erratic behaviour like they all do... You'd all see straight through it anyway... I am too well known... Aha bla. Rabbits.

("Wake up Derek I think I've got something to lift to you." It's true folks, Derek Poundstone is no longer the second strongest man in the world. :'( Tragic news. )

Also, I am sick of drinking build up milkshakes. They taste like delicious milkshakes that someone put a load of flour in just to annoy me. Flourshakes. I love collecting the prescription for them, they come in a box about 80x25x60cm... Not the usual pill packets all the old biddies are picking up. I look like an epic strongwoman, lifting this massive box... Little do the mere mortals know it's full of powder and weighs less than my sense of modesty. Ahaha, tricked! I remember the day I couldn't lift a watermelon... That was not a happy one. I like to be able to life a variety of fruits, the melon family included.

And that, my friends, is all. I hope all this talk of my uterus didn't upset you too much. Oh, and remember to become a fan of my blog on facebook- http://www.facebook.com/pages/Constanzes-Sexy-Oops-I-Got-Leukaemia-Blog/427727595555?ref=mf or I shall haunt you when I'm a ghost and eat all of your children and meat products. Ahahaha.

I'm actually just curious and nosey as to who reads this. If I don't get 1000000000000 fans I will cry.

xXXxXXx

*=(I was going to call this blog post a whole new kettle of fish, but then I realised that's not too friendly as fish are really quite nice. In general. I've never met a very disagreeable one. Apart from one of my old fish that killed and ate the other one, but that's a different story altogether. And not very cancerous.)