Hepatitis C for Constanze?...

And along on the train tracks came a darker moment. Today a hepatitis C blood test came back 'unknown'. Unknown. "Probably nothing to worry about" says Mrs Nurse. Hello world, take my liver, take my splee, take my bone marrow, take my blood.... Why don't you take my every organ while you're at it? Oh, it's unlikely I have it. Probably some little man in a white labcoat misplacing samples. But I might. I have fuck all idea where it would've come from. I don't share needles. I don't get unsterilised tattoos. I don't have anal sex. I'm not stupid, never have been, I've always had the intention of living... Maybe a blood transfusion could've done it. Another disease I did nothing to aquire...

I suppose I'll find out soon, whether I have another illness to add to my ever growing collection. You're probably wondering why I was so unaffected by cancer and hepatitis is scaring me shitless... You get cancer. You get treated. You get better or die. Hepatitis isn't curable in most people. It's there for the rest of your life... Remember how terrified I was before they diagnosed it was cancer that I might have diabetes? I was overjoyed with cancer. I have big plans for life. I don't want anything to inhibit that. I don't know. Maybe I'm just not overwhelmed with the idea of adding more rubbish thing to my blood... It's more congested with crap than the M42...

On a slightly better note, I was at hospital today. And will be tomorow. And was yesterday. Just a basic blood test and scanner up el vagina... I am afraid I lied to you all (*shock* *horror*) about my ovaries... Turns out the right one is actually the epic one, and the left is the shoddy one. Yes, despite its huuuuge cyst, there are more follicles developing there than apples on the tree in my back garden (And that provides enough for two winter's worth of puddings...)... Mmm, pudding. If only everything in the world could be cured with apple crumble... Or puddings were medicines...

Doctor- "I'm afraid you have cancer in your lungs, eyes, toes, face, ear lobe and kidneys..."
Patient- "Oh god! Jesus! What's the treatment? Will I live?"
Doctor- "I'm afraid it's an intensive course of Swiss Roll, Chemocakery and daily sherbet injections..."

Maybe the world would actually be better with me in charge.

It's a Friday. I'd give a million pounds to be on a train right now. Too see those people I don't see enough of... Rich, James, Marc GP...Not one of them less than a hundred miles away. Cancer takes away your freedom like candy from a baby. Actually, babies don't fight back... Like candy from a goth. They go down fighting. I don't like going to the pub being a life threatening event. Because I'm in hospital all week and have no white blood cells and Rich can't come up and bla bla bla I won't see my best friend again until the end of August... If it wouldn't upset my granparents I'd be all over everywhere. Outside your door. The only thing in the world that matters is seeing you smile. I don't mind dying if we're both happy.

I do believe I am starting to get rather hungry... It has been a very long time since tea. And all I had then was bread and meat! How on earth I remain alive I don't know...

SHIT. Have not taken tablets. Laters folks...

xXXx