Tissue Twin

Hey hey hey hiccups,

Big news. I'm 25 now motherfuckers. Still not dead. Still not fat. Still not ugly. CONSTANZE DONE GOOD YOU COCKMUNCHING CORNFLAKES. Hardcore good. I did a stupid at work today though so maybe my brain's gone, but that's still 3 out of 4. A really boring stupid too, I got distracted by a thing and nearly missed another thing that made the thing a sexy thing. WHOOPS.

But yeah. Socks and roundabouts. My left leg keeps deciding to be massive. Like, proper massive. My ankle and foot keep intermittently swelling up and sometimes my shin ends up slightly curved which is NOT A NORMAL SHAPE FOR A SHIN. I'm halfway to joining the cast of Chorlton and the Wheelies. Should really mention that when I next go to hospital or that creepy witch thing might eat my brains in my sleep and I'll wake up hollower than a biscuit tin left unattended near me. I am so tired and I really can't make any more coherent word constructions. ERGH. Chemicals.

I went to Belgium at the weekend to celebrate my birthday and I fell over and also had fun. I've attached a photo of me looking like I'm crying but I wasn't really, I think I was just thinking about how much washing I have to do at home or the state of the Greek economy or how Yazoo have 'rebranded' their strawberry milkshakes and put 75ml less in but kept them the same price LIKE THE CUNTS THOUGHT I WOULDN'T CUNTING NOTICE seriously strawberry milkshake and numbers are my two fave things am I really not going to notice AS FUCKING IF. I sampled some beers and tried to go to the letter museum but it was closed and also saw a giant atom and had some mussels in Brussels which was great because that rhymes and tried to fit in by shouting random French words but it didn't work. I also flew an aeroplane that was stuck to the floor. But yeah, overall party fun.

In other exciting news I met up with my German bone marrow donor in person! He was in London on holiday and I obviously work in London so a meetup had to be had. I took him to buy a meal deal from Tesco and he got to use the infamous automated checkout machine thingies which apparently don't really exist in Germany. BECAUSE WHAT'S MORE BRITISH THAN A TESCO MEAL DEAL AND BEING INFURIATED BY THE UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA MESSAGE?!? We then went to the Royal College of Surgeons museum and looked at brains being fiddled with and intestines in jars and all those lovely things. Luckily he's not squeamish. Then the day was finished with a Newcastle Brown in that bastion of traditional British heritage, Wetherspoons. Remind me to never be a tour guide. I realise now that we should have taken a photo together to document this historical cancer moment but my mind was a little lost in chat and beer so you'll all have to imagine me standing next to a German man in your head.

A lot of people have been asking me whether my donor and I have many things in common. We do have quite similar interests, he's an engineer and I'm a physicist, he has the breed of cat of my dreams (GIGANTIC MAINE COON), little things like that. Some interesting similarities but not enough for us to be long lost twins, haha. Plus he's four years older than me. He seems a little more introverted than me, but then I'm so extroverted that I make Louie Spence look like a shrinking violet. Our protein marker tissue type thingies though... They're beautifully identical :D

I thought it might be a little weird meeting him but it really wasn't. I'm glad it's happened a good few years after my main treatment, if I could have known him back then I'd have wanted to but I don't thing that would have been the best thing. I don't ever want him to ever feel any moral pressure to keep having to help me if I ever needed more cells in the future and I think if he'd have met me when I was half dead and bald that would have been quite the image to cope with. I guess it is a little mind boggling that he gave up just one day of his life six years ago which really has given me the rest of mine. It's sort of like the ultimate pyramid scheme. Want to know how to turn one day of life into a thousand days of life? Send a SAE to P.O.Box Dodgalicicous, Switzerland for more information.

But aye aye aye. Very few people actually get to meet their donor so I really am proper lucky. Half of people die, then lots of donors want to stay anonymous, then you have to get through the registry and prove you're not going to extort and blackmail them, then people are busy and bla bla bla etc so it's really quite remarkable that it came to be. It would be interesting to see if there are any statistics on this because I don't know of anyone else who's been able to do the same thing. As always, it's me alone doing the crazy stuff :D

Anyway, it's time to go and wash my hair dye out before my head starts resembling Chernobyl. Shit's good here. It's my first hen do this weekend and I get to wear cat ears and make cocktails and venture around Derby. Derby is a bad place. I've only ever had weird times in Derby. I seem to remember spending a lot of time looking at the ring road. Wild, eh?

Goodbye and farewell,
Constanzistan the Cancerlicious
xXxXxXx

P.s A couple of weeks ago I accidentally bumped into someone on the tube and apologised by saying "Sorry for wiping my bum on you". Why god why.