What a good week to be a Constanze

Evening all :)

You know when you buy a six inch Subway, shovel it down and then wonder why the fuck you didn't buy a footlong? Well, guess what just happened to me (in my exciting drama filled life). Why? Why have I done this to myself? After all the turmoil of near death I still continue to torment myself so... I need sustenance. I know I'm always still hungry if I have a little one. I KNOW. This situation needs resolving. I might go and look in my fridge to see if there's any kielbasa left... I couldn't possibly write a blog post on a half empty stomach, that would be an atrocious sin... BE RIGHT BACK BUMFACES.

...
...

*general rummaging*

...
...

KIELBASA. EVERYTHING IS OK AGAIN. I also found some rice pudding, marvellous. Speaking of ok and good and wonderful, I have been having an amazing week, both cancery and not. So much to tell. I'll start with the slightly exciting news, then move onto the very exciting news, then move onto the JESUS CHRIST EXCITING NEWS. Mainly because I can't do any form of chronological order though as time in Constanzeland passes like a waterfall, not a river. Wheee, I hope that rock isn't as Mohalicious as it looks.

News #1

My train journey to and from work will now be slightly less extortionately expensive! But only because I'm really fucking good at maths. I now have in my possession two new disabled/cancer related related travel discount cards (Stockport disabled bus pass and a disabled persons railcard, oh yeah bitchezzz)... How to use them for maximum savings was the challenge. Here's the (ill) logic:

Things I have:

Young Persons Railcard: 33% off after 9:30AM
Season Ticket: Discount when you but a week, month or year's worth of travel
Manchester bus pass: Free train and bus travel in the Greater Manchester area after 9:30, half price before
Disabled Persons Railcard: 33% off all the time

So, after a few minutes on the National Rail website with a dusty old calculator in hand it appears the absurd way for me to commute to work the cheapest is this: Every morning I buy a single to Hale with my bus pass, then buy a return from Hale to Knutsford with my disabled railcard, then use my bus pass for a free ride from Hale to Stockport. Simple, eh? All that for two 30 minute train rides. Not that I'm complaining, I feel really lucky to live in a country with such great help for sicky people but imagine if I wasn't a smart lass who's good at maths. It's a minefield, so many different discounts with so many different rules. Why not just one?

News #2

Speaking of my news disabled railcard, I had a small win regarding that. When you apply you can buy a one year one for £20 or a three year one for £54. I was nervous to commit to the three year one as you're only eligible to get them if you're still getting DLA which they might try and take off me (even though I have no lungs or legs) at some point. So I phoned them up and they said I only have to prove I get DLA once at the start and I can keep using it even if I don't get DLA but then I was like but then I'd be sort of stealing a discount and the nice guy on the phone was a bit bemused as to why I was trying to talk myself out of a discount. WHOOPS. He made me get the 3 year one. I'm glad other people are less obsessively honest than me.

News #3

I managed to get insurance for my two trips abroad later this year with no fuss, yet again. Of course I had to exclude the leukaemia (but as we know the leukaemia is uninsurable anyway) but it doesn't matter, I'm not daft. Well, I am, but not LET'S GO ABROAD AND DIE daft.

News #4

MY DREAM FLAT HAS COME UP FOR SALE AND I AM TRYING TO BUY IT. It's a two bedder in the lovely mill that I currently live in and am completely obsessed with. One bedroom for a bed and a ball pit, one bedroom for a library... MILL LIFE BOIZZZ. It does smell a bit of poo because there was a crazy man living there before who smashed down doors and let his dog go toilet everywhere but I really don;t care because chemo ruined my sense of smell. Silver linings STRIKE AGAIN. I'm going for an appointment to start things rolling on Saturday, cross fingers, I mean, I can barely afford it but who needs electricity anyway? If anyone buys it between now and then I will be completely devastated. I had the really good idea of waiting outside the flat, attacking and murdering any other potential buyers and hiding their bodies in the flat so it smells and I can get the place even cheaper. Apparently they're the words of a psycho though so I'm not allowed to do that. Psychos don't get mortgages. Silly rules.

News #5

I AM GOING TO FIND OUT THE REAL IDENTITY OF MY BONE MARROW VERY VERY SOON. This is the best piece of news ever, I had a hard time not crying with excitement when I found out. Let me tell you the story...

It is an average day at work. I have a missed call on my phone and an answerphone message. It is one of the transplant nurses asking me to phone her back. So, I do. Now, I thought they'd only just started looking into me knowing his identity but it turns out Helen had secretly been working on it since June (what a legend)! My donor has already filled out all the forms and returned them to the German Bone Marrow Donor Board, who, after four long dramatic years have FINALLY approved the waiver of anonymity! So all they need is for me to sign a form and his details will be coming my way :) Needless to say I printed off the form in lightning speed and half ran to a postbox to send it to them (that's how intensely overjoyed I was, I NEARLY RAN). I even put an extra special stamp on to wish it luck. But good lord, how happy am I? I'm not sure how long it'll take now but I can't imagine it'll be too many centuries. Then I'll know him. The random German man I owe my entire life to. Strange thought, eh?

Then just as a little bit of icing on the cake I managed to get on an earlier train home from work today (I normally miss it every night and have to get the one and hour after but the first train was delayed by 12 minutes, winwinwin) which confused the fuck out of the ticket inspector. He seemed almost angry that I dare mess up his daily routine. What a terrible person I am. I mean, I am hogging all the good luck :D

Ah... I just went for a wee and the spider that lives in there is sucking the guts out of one of his victims. Sometimes it's nice to not live on your own. Perhaps that's a sign that I should say bye bye and spend more time with him. Maybe he'll even share some guts with me. Then I wouldn't be hungry. Om nom nom.

Nighty night,
Constanze :)

P.s I have an eye test on Sunday. Not sure if I'm looking forward to it, I just have this feeling it might not be good news. I don't know why. There's just this little elf in my brain with a bag of bones.

P.p.s I also saw my favorite train on Sunday. I like trains.

P.p.p.s I have a fucktonne of ulcers on my tongue for no apparent reason. Maybe I'm a bit run down from all the excitement. I am pretty exhaused. Silly one lung Stanze.

P.p.p.p.s It's a good job I've had a good week because last week one of my friends got put back in prison which was quite a big shock. Basically, he got done for armed robbery but always denied that he'd done it and we all believed him. He lives in Macedonia now and I was going to visit him when I'm over there but he's now back in prison for another robbery. Lightning never strikes twice and needless to say he's not a friend anymore. I have a weird life.

P.p.p.p.p.s Nearly forgot to rave about how it's only 18 days until I am BALKANING IT UP. Thank fuck, I need a little break from all this madness, ahahahahaha :)