Monkey Business on a Sunny Afternoon

Evening y'allll. Today was a hospital day hence I wandered and medicaled to the max and now my feet are swede mash. The top photo is the last picture on a 9 step poster about what happens in a blood test and what you should do after. I have no clue what this lady is doing but it looks a lot like the Tarzan Boy dance which I very much approve of so I decided to join in. There were funny looks aplenty as I started singing and waving my arms around near the disabled parking area but it was all totally worth it. Although I'm not sure I've got the cartoon lady's sort of zombie giggles I can't hear you face right, I'll work on that.

Anywayyyy. Stuff. Things. Kerfuffles. Ostrich academics. Banana kernels. I arrived at hospital far too early and read all the problem solution pages of Woman's Weekly magazine and laughed like a mental. One person had written in asking if her husband needed to go to the doctor because he had a verruca. WHO WRITES TO A MAGAZINE TO FIND THAT OUT? Maybe I should write in to find out if I should have another bag of crisps or if I should set my alarm for six or quarter past. Jeez. Go out of the house people. There is a whole world of beauty and verruca free parties. Am I getting sidetracked here? YES I AM. Hospital scmostical all that sugar has gone to my eyes. I got the nice lady doctor who told me lots of things. MUCHOS. Here is some basic delicious summary om nom nom:

*The reason I can't eat before my first Late Effects clinic next week is because they'll be checking my blood sugar and hormone levels. Oh deary dear dear. My blood is 80% sugar and 20% Ribena. I will be going to both the Haemotolgy and Late Effects for at least a few months while I'm still in cancery no man's land. I'm quite excited for Late Effects, it's a proper hardcore milestone. That's where cancer survivors go, not cancer patients :)

*I need yet another bone marrow extraction but managed to flutter my mascara clogged eyelashes so it's not until October. Awwww yis. Me and my silly chromosome.

*For unknown mystery reasons I need to have more heart scans and lung tests. That means I get to take my top off and wander around the hospital and scare old men. BONUS.

*More enquiries will be done about finding out my donor's identity. Want to know now says Constanze the omni-impatient.

*All my bloods were completely fine, nothing dodgy going on at all. The general not dying plan is completely on track. LOOK AT ME NOT DIE IT'S REALLY CONVENIENT.

So yes, all good stuff, like a bag of flowery barges. I had all the usual blood stealing times, I had to give the dead eye to some overly complainy people that just didn't shut up and were being rude as fuck. Oh, you have to give up and hour of your life to make sure you're not dying of cancer? Poor you. Poor poor, ignorant you. Getting my prescription was slightly less grumples inducing though despite the stupid new pharmacy set up. No one mistook me for a man which is always nice.

Then when I'd done all that I was overjoyed because I finished early enough to go back to work. YES WORK I HATE MISSING WORK. I skipped down the path to the bus stop with a face full of glee. Of course the said glee didn't last for long as I realised there was a problem with my prescription and had to skip right back up to the hospital. This plan failed however as all the medical staff ever had gone into hiding and by the time I finished looking it was too late to go back to work and I was sad. I WANT TO LOOK AT SOME STAMPS DAMNIT. I'll sort it out next week, luckily I have just enough tablets to not die of the rabies and bubonic plague and battery acid.

It's been a good week in general though. I've realised that my work/life balance is completely screwed and I have to do something about it. I do still pretty much go to work, come home, eat everything and go to sleep. Then perhaps at a weekend I'll get one thing done. But I'm losing my hobbies, my interests, my life. I'm already exhausted but this year has gone by so fast and I don't want my whole life to flash by like a horny stripper. But because of this I've been partying it up at the late night opening of the Manchester Art Gallery, padding in unsuitable fountains and inviting my friends around to witness amazing egg based phenomenons (we got six double yolks in a carton but didn't realise how amazing that was and ate them all). I'll soon be a member of the Wilmslow Natural History Guild and I'm considering taking up belly dancing if my knees can handle it. My knees can't handle it. My knees can't handle walking down the outpatients corridor damnit. I will belly dance on the floor, like some super new super complex new groovy move. Groovy moovy swoovy woovy.

And now it is time for bed. Or Sim City 2000. BED CONSTANZE GO TO BED. Someone come and make me go to bed, please, I am knackered but my brain is partying on without me. I just want to build bridges and then set aliens on them. I wish I could conjure aliens in real life. They could be my homies and we could patrol the streets of the cold hard North and make all the crimes go away. The I could go to Asda without the local drunks either spitting on me or telling me what they're going to go to my vagina. Most of their proposals don't seem physically possible :S

Nightingly night!

Constanze the Great the Hungry and the Tired :) xXxXxXxXxXxXx

P.s I sit and wonder does the message get to you.

P.p.s Speaking of messages, if I haven't replied to a text of yours it's because my phone's screen is mucho angry. I dropped it a few weeks ago and everything was fine for a while but now only half of the screen works and I can only do a few of the letters and it's all very malo. It also sometimes has these fits of rage and presses all the buttons at once, including the like button on a facebook status about someone's cat dying. I do not like cats dying and it should hopefully be fixed sometime this weekend!

P.p.p.s My mistake he was more flaky that a leper colony.

P.p.p.p.s Did I mention Lithuania? I'm going for a mini break in November although I may go to Kaliningrad. Too many holidays this year. Too many cold depressing places to see. Happy happy happy :)