Just put some bloody clothes on

Before I say anything I need to show you a very exciting model hospital that I saw on my holiday. Another one for my hospital spotting collection methinks :D Anyway, moving swiftly on from my sad hobbies and onto the tales of the cancers...

Today I have been a zookeeper, evicting animals left, right and centre. Two wasps and a spider have all attempted to squat in my home but they won't get past Constanze and her expert animal catching techniques. They key is to befriend them then get them with the whole, does this glass smell like chloroform trick, shove a postcard under and take them to a nice place in the garden. We have a bin full of water, that's a nice sea view to a house spider. I was a bit less sympathetic to the spider cause though (I love spiders, they're cute, people who kill them are bad people) when I found out it's mating season and he was probably only talking to me in hope of a shag.

I fell asleep and made a C for Constanze in the day ward this week. Well, that's the nearest shape I can think of, I'm not even sure a human being has even been in the position I woke up in, very had to describe. Two high backed chairs with arms. I am sat in one, legs forward but my body is facing left. My stomach is on the arms and my face is pretty much on the next seat along. Surprisingly comfy if you don't count the pins and needles and dead legs and walking failure when Yusef woke me up by yelling hello progessively louder in my ear until my brain finally wondered what on earth was going on. Alarm bells should have probably rung when I watched a man weigh his trainers, not once, but twice. Or when a man dropped a mars bar in front of me, picked it up, then winked at me (was that supposed to be an innuendo? What the bumble bee is it an innuendo for? In no way is dropping confectionary sexy). Or when a man in the lift professed they couldn't go to G floor because the lift only went up to Q. Or when a nurse asked for 'Constanze Dennis' and an elderly man in the corner put his hand up. Bit mad this week, they're all bizarre occurences, but then I expect no less from 18 floors of drug addicts.

Bumped into one of my medicar drivers off shift (he's had his spleen out recently, how cool is that? Well, not cool, but I really hope he still has it pickled in a jar somewhere at home... I thought it a little rude to ask) on my way out the hospital and he gave me a lift home, which was pretty hardcore because I'm over an hour away and I'm not really even on the way for him. I was well pleased and thankful though because I was knackered after a long day of sleeping and having blood stolen. I haven't slept past my bus stop on the way home yet, but it's going to happen. And then I can be a sexy tramp for the night :)

And now for some holiday snaps. Here's me falling over in typical I'm-not-drunk-I-just-look-it-so-get-stuffed style. From this distance I almost look as if I'm ballet dancing, so elegantly crashing to earth and revenging on me knees.

And then one from a few minutes later looking suspiciously like I've just pushed someone off that cliff and I'm doing a sneaky check to see if anyone noticed. I swear I didn't, like I could push anything larger than a dieting rodent.

Aaaaand lastly me definitely not getting pneunomia paddling the jizz out of the North Sea. For some reason I was the only person in Bridlington willing to take on the challenge of paddling in the sea in September. Perhaps it's because I'm a stubborn idiot, I don't know. The Baltic Sea was colder anyway. I was going to include lots of pictures of intimidating waves and chavs playing dares but they have shit all to do with cancerrr.

So yeah, things are gooooood, better than a spam and cheese and jalapeno sandwich. My only complaints at the minute are moral, hence the name of this post. I was suitably riled to see Rihanna prancing around half dressed in a field, only to discover some brilliant farmer had to her to put some clothes on and get off his land. Seeing people dressed like a porno in everyday life really raises my hackles. People like Rihanna and Lady Gaga need to work out if they're adult entertainers or pop stars. They only do it to distract people from the fact that they're about as talented as a spoon. You don't catch Dr Snowdon wearing a bikini to work.

Also discovered today that if you leave cheap cheese out for a few hours it becomes like delicious edible tyres. Fact of the day there from scientist Constanze. I've written my name far too many times in this post, maybe I'm proud that I can still spell it after all this chemo brain malarkey.

Night night noche.

xXx

P.s Please enjoy the pictures of me on holiday, wearing as many clothes as I possibly can.

P.p.s Can't believe I nearly forgot to include a photo of me at the motorbike racing. For some reason, in a field of hard leather-ed up bikers, rain, and mud, I looked a little out of place...