Goodbye Mr Gland...

So, finally, 8 months later, an answer. Not the answer I wanted to hear really, but an answer. You know my funny eye? My funny eye that's been flaring up and making my left side look like satan's trying to posess my body? Well, it's all clear and sorted now. And how silly it is. I mean SILLY. You know how your eye has glands to make special oil to stop your eyes drying out (not tear ducts- they're slightly different)? Well, my funny eye was one of those, but horrendously and repeatedly blocked. It had finally calmed down over the past couple of weeks not because it had got better, but because the gland had just given up and died...

... Yeah. Just keeled over like. It wasn't an infection like Imran kept trying to tell me (he is in so much trouble when I see him! I may have to beat him up a bit), my silly eye is just a bit silly. Basically, the oil made in the gland melts at body temperature, but one of my eye glands had got blocked because I have extremely cold eyes? This would be a prime opportunity to make a joke about how they're so cold because they're so big and far from my body. HA HA HA.

And the cure for on of these blocked glands? This is the killer bit. A hot flannel on your face for 10 minutes. Seriously. I've suffered (perhaps that's too strong a word- been rather inconvenienced and slightly annoyed) for 8 months with something that can be cured in a day. And now I'm a gland down. And I need all the eye glands I can get- they're already struggling with the whole eyes-too-big-for-sockets-eyelids-can't-cover-eyeballs-and-keep-them-nice-and-moist palava. Bother. And I have an unwanted scar. The only place I don't want any cancer scars is my face, seriously, ANYWHERE BUT THE FACE SCARS ARE COOL JUST NOT IN ME BLOODY EYE, alright? Need to quit collecting all these ailments, BODY THIS IS NOT POKÉMONS, OK??? Got the message? Cool. Sorted.

And that's the news for this weeks trip to the hospital. They've done up the eye department in a fetching shade of DEPRESSING GREY to make everyone's trip to hospital that little less pleasant. Saw a new eye doctor, he was very nice though, far better than the hideous decor. I explained that I'd tried to go for more natural make up so he could see my eye better and he laughed and said he wondered what on earth my made up look was like. Oh, and some dopey desk worker gave me a sheet with all the patient's details on instead of my referral. Free details for me! Fraud here I come. He soon realised and came desperately chasing after me, arms flailing. Per usual I was a good citizen and returned the classified documents, saving society once again...

No more news. Haemo next week. Maybe I'll be cured. Maybe I won't. We'll have to wait and see...

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