Look at that delicious adenovirus. A bit like a golf ball, don'tcha think? Quit teeing off inside of me, dirty virus.
Evening folks, as promised I'm here to tell you the tale of two viruses. It's like a Tale of Two Cities apart from none of it's set in France. And Dickens sold 200 million copies of that book, I had 10,000 hits last year. Getting there. Slowly.
So, I left you last Wednesday on the cliff hanger that was my sore throat. Upon returning on Thursday my swabs had been lost/damaged/stolen so they had to take some more. I was still feeling very rotten and was still relegated to the corridor, again in the seat next to the faulty drinks machine, coughing up my internal organs and making a general racket. I somehow managed to get away with not being admitted because everyone on p floor has caught some vomiting bug and they didn't much want me to get it as well. Home I go. More coughing, snot, phlegm and soreness ensues.
On Saturday I decide I am feeling a little better so I decide to go and visit my lovely boyfriend so I can go and infect him with whatever lovely illness I have. Coughing and hacking on the train a potential suitor spotted his moment and used the classic line "Where did a nice girl like you get a diiirty cough like that? ;)" to try and attract my attention, needless to say, I just stared in shock and awe that anyone could be that cheesy/creepy. Anyway, picture the scene, it's Saturday night, just watched Take Me Out, enjoying a nice cup of tea, what do I not want to hear? Oh, the words of a worried doctor perhaps? My mum had been desperately texting me about how the hospital had been phoning like mad and I hadn't heard :S Constanze has two viruses, HPIV-3 and a adenovirus (possibly caught off all my stamps from eveyone's favorite short lived Yemeni port colony, Aden), is she still alive? How is she? We'd like her to come in this evening please. My mum was like, well, that's pretty problematic because the stubborn little miss has buggered off down South and it's ten pm... What about tomorow then? Well, there's limited trains and a bus strike on, that's looking pretty unlikely too... I am a bad patient.
It was Monday by I finally got in (The medicar didn't turn up in the morning, by this point I was thinking I wasn't destined to get any medical treatment whatsoever), but by then all sense of urgency seemed to have vanished and Yusef didn't even seem to know I had any viruses. This was a bit of a relief, his lack of panic, because that docotor who phoned up did not sound RELAXED. One bone marrow done, many tablets obtained and I was off home. Well, sort of, I nearly lost my lift. I was tired and ill feeling and just had a little sit down before I went for my medicar... Well, it turned into an hour long sleep and there was a hospital-wide search for me before I was founf asleep on a seat near a lift. Oops. Sorry hospital.
And now? I'm moderate. Still coughing and a walking mucus factory, but you know, that aint too bad. I was more traumatised by some statistics I was reading about leukaemia- my illness at my age and my gender is so statisically improbable that it's almost silly. 18 is the least likely age to be diagnosed with AML, the age of 18 also has the highest male female gender difference in AML of any age-for every one girl that gets it, two and a half boys do. If you just looked on my disgnosis you'd think I was a man. The male stem cells didn't help this. It's all mad. I'm like a needle in a haystack. A needle in Giant Haystacks. Would he even feel that? There were many other confusing facts found out, such as-
* More than 8 in 10 of all new cases of leukaemia are diagnosed in people aged 50 or older, and around half are in people aged 70 or over.
* You're twice as likely to get leukaemia IF YOU'RE A MAN
* You're much more likely to get leukaemia if you live in Wales. I don't, but I just thought it was curious. As if it's not bad enough being Welsh.
FOR GOD'S SAKE I AM NOT AND OLD MAN LEUKAEMIA. I think it's just lost. I am almost offended that cancer thinks I look like an old bloke. I suppose it was the stamp collection and tallness and flat chestedness and trainspotting and birdspotting and walking stick and... Ok. I see where Mr Cancer is coming from now.
That's a thought, 2010, I've just realised. I had two viruses almost exactly the same time last year. A new celebration for me perhaps? Eid-Ul-Double-Virus? You know what they say, gotta catch 'em all, and the HPIVs are so much better than Charmander. I've only got HPIV-1 and HPIV-4 to go and I've got a complete set! Lucky me.
Shoo me. Off to watch me a murder and laugh at the constant image of an angry fat woman throwing her shopping at my train when she missed it. Silly bitch.
Stanzistan. xXx
P.s To finish, here's a parainfluenza-
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