"That's quite a handbag Constanze!"

Those were the greeting words of my gastroent doctor last Wednesday.... Aside from my impressive handbag, nothing much at all happened at my last visit. The doctor didn't even want to feel me. I washed for nothing! Nothing! The general plan is to quit fiddling with my stomach of doom for a while and hope that it gets bored of rebelling by itself. Cross fingers, cross eyes.

I just realised that you're probably all wondering where me and my posting had disappeared to for the past three weeks... Well, the answer is nowhere really. To the depths of no home internet and a flooded library? Something like that, or this and that and this. I got a couple of weeks off medical treatment to enjoy the general Christmas and New year times, although I still managed to stay in being ill on New Year's Eve because I was a big sexy phlegm factory. Yum yum yummm! I missed out on seeing the sights of beautiful Manchester. Was that the first time those two words have been in the same sentence? Possibly.

So, yesterday was traumatic. Well, I say traumatic. I more mean I was distressed to not get a toasted flatbread. I should definitely probably be more traumatised by the horrible medical treatment than my lack of Gruyere, but still. Anyway. Anywayyy. Vhat vas I McSaying? It's gone, no idea. I don't even know what day it was yesterday. This meansss nothing to meeeeee, oh Viennnaaaaaa. Oh yeah, the medicar fogot me yesterday. I was supposed to go to for my luverlyyy cough creating nebuliser but no one booked me any transport so I just sat in my armchair quietly all day waiting for someone who was never coming, a bit like being stood up on a date but without the prospect of a shag afterwards. That definitely made sense in my brain. Got to go this afternoon instead. No pneunomia for Constanze, massive scale win.

I also need to find someone who can cure my eye, I'm turning into polyphemus again. Popping spots inside your eye isn't really very much fun at all, despite what people might tell you. They're bloody great to have an old poke at as long as they're on your face, but seriously, once they get inside your eye no one wins. Not even Odysseus. Or my spelling, it would appear.

Ooo, I almost forgot the most exciting news. Imagine your dream photo of me... Imagine me, bare and naked,with all my flesh exposed for your eyes to enjoy... Sexy, eh? Well, you shall have to imagine no more as withing a few days a series of photos of my stomach and upper gut will be on here for you to enjoy. Do try and contain yourselves.

Over and out chapolatas, I have to go and put clothes on so I can go to l'ooospiitarlll. Being naked there does not benefit anyone.

Constanze.

XxXxX

P.s My sincerest apologies for all the typos in this, I'm on my mobile telephone and can't see what I've written properly. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeepppp!